Let me dream.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Hello there, whoever's still there.

I am feeling kind of tired now. Not physically, but mentally. I feel jaded and worn out from everyth. Like work, the studying thing in school and the whole retain issue. I guess I am still trying to deal with everyth. But one thing for sure, I am not ready to pick up my books and start studying just yet.

I am getting sick of everyth.
Sick of always getting pushed around at work, and no one really treating me seriously, just because I am a temporary staff. Sick of trying to get pass myself in things like studying and attending trainings. (I lost the fire again, why?) Sick of life in general. And I thought my life was going rather well. Maybe I am getting delusional.

It's like awhile ago I was still attending trainings quite conscientiously and enjoying myself too. But I really don't knw why now I feel the way I do weeks ago. Just sick of it all. Maybe I should just drop out already and stop making the lives of my leaders so hard.

I don't knw. Went for the studying thing in school today, only half the session. Because I felt like I am being scrutinized under a microscope by the teachers present in the freaking cold LT3. It was about 3 degree Celsius. How do I study productively like this? I feel like an animal in the zoo on exhibition. One that is too cold but stripped of fur too. I am better off alone.

So I left during lunch break, went back to school but studied alone in P7. It was much more effective and I managed to cover more things in a shorter time. So I am not going back tmr, I will just study outside school myself, and I hope I do. Moreover the whole test thing turns me off. I can't master Integration till I can even comprehend Differentiation. This studying scheme is totally not suitable for me.

Work was real tough today because there was only me and one of my supervisors around. Almost died at the end of the day. You think it's an easy job, but wait till you do it yourself then you understand how sian it is to the extent that it tires me out.

That's all, I'm going to sleep.
Fucking miserable. I wonder why can't some people just give me a tad of understanding. I am really getting quite tired.

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Sinyee. 17.
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Wants a day of extensive retail therapy, good food and fun.

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