Let me dream.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

You knw what?

I really shouldn't have for one second, thought that maybe I'd stop hating you. I thought that maybe I really won't have to bear this grudge for so long. I thought that things are going to start getting better. I thought I didn't have to be a heartless person like you.

Honestly, nothing fucking matters. No matter what I do, and what I say. How much I had to swallow all my unhappiness and just fucking do what you wanted me to all the time. You just won't ever be happy with that. And I'll stop trying okay? It really don't fucking matter.

Stop telling me you are tired. Just stop fucking telling me you are tired for one second. Stop complaining you have to go to work and then still have to cook dinner for us. Stop telling me you think my having to wake up at fucking 5 am and stay in school till like 4pm is nothing in comparison to what you go through.

Seriously, just stop telling me all of that. Because I don't even fucking care. The way you don't give a shit to how really strung out I am. Especially since school began again this week. What do you even knw? I feel so damned tired I can't even be bothered to open my mouth to talk anymore. And what good would that do me anyway, you'll come at me with the cane again.

What the fuck? What am I even doing here? What am I even thinking of maybe I won't be so filled with vengeance and swear to make you sorry when I grow up? You are not the least bit deserving of me, or any fucking thing I do for you. You really don't even care.

I never asked you to be a super mum. I don't need you to be like one of them who work full-time, and reach home doing all the chores. Including cooking dinner, doing the dishes and laundry. If others could, why couldn't you? BUT I never even asked for you to be like this. I just ask for you to treat me like a human bring, who can actually feel fatigue and hurt and all the other shit you claim you're feeling.

But you never appreciated anyth I do. You never actually see anyth apart from what I didn't do. So many people out there probably never ever did chores before. Can't cook to save their lives. Wouldn't give a shit to what their parents said to share the chores. Yet every single fucking day, I do something, with or without you asking. And you can just pretend like I don't contribute to this house? Still?

Where the fuck is your conscience man.
And why are you my mother. My fucking sick, selfish and heartless mother.

I really don't need you. And talk about respect. Think about whether you even deserve it first. You, and everyth you do. Makes me sick and sad about my fucked up life.

Sad? I don't even fucking have feelings anymore. Other than hatred and vengeance.

[edit] I don't knw what is wrong with everyone at home, really. First, my mother complained about all that above. Then I proceeded to find that she didn't even bloody cook dinner today and I had to eat instant noodles. Thanks alot.

Then my father comes back home. And tells me I have to give up the comp to him after he's had dinner. Hello, what the fuck seriously? What is wrong with him, at the time I most had to chiong for my PW. He refused to get me or himself a laptop and now he wants to eat into my rightful usage of the comp.

So what do you think about that. I shouldn't even be here seriously. Home? You're kidding me. [/edit]

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Sinyee. 17.
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