Let me dream.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

One last paper to go, but I'm acting as if the promos are over already.

I guess math just kind of hurled me across the floor and trampled all over me. I guess I can't really accept the fact that I thought I would be able to do something more than all my previous math papers. But apparently, I should have known it wasn't going to be so easy.

Okay, granted I only did last minute revision. Granted, I never did my math homework nor diligently practiced. So I guess, I deserve getting a great shock that I only knew how to do like 3 questions out of 13, and they might not even be right. Having made an effort to do questions, learn how to do implicit differentiation which I kept away from in so long, and face up to my greatest phobia since I was 11, albeit so little or insignificant, is something.

Yeah so I'd been doing badly in math since I was primary 5. Like seriously, way bad for a primary school kid should. Like 50.5 out of 100, so memorable. The way my teacher said she sort of gave up hope on me. I guess it just took its toll on me and made me afraid of math, and anyth that is related to it. Be it physics, or the math sector in chem. Never did well, and never particularly made an effort to.

I thought that this would be different. I thought the 3 hours would be something more than blank stares and nodding off because I just couldn't get anyth. The only thing I was getting was tired. It was still 3 hours of not knwing how to do this nor that. Nothing I could really do but wait for the hours to pass by, knwing my fate had just been sealed.

I don't even feel like studying for history now, because honestly what's the point. I knw it's going to be the same. I'm going to turn over the question paper and look at the question, half knwing and half not knwing what to write. Then I'll attempt a lame and weak answer that barely clears two pages, and it screams to Mr Lai that yes I've done zero studying, I don't knw what's been going on since the beginning and never bothered to find out, and wait for the 2 hours and 15 minutes to pass.

For promos to be over. And for me to finally be retained after all these years.
Honestly, I don't even mind retaining. I'll probably die in year 6 anyw. I can't imagine myself taking bloody history for 'A's. And it's unfair, I knw. Because I chose it, and I have the responsibility to do well for it. Well, I just can't. So let me choose the easy way out and pick something else less taxing. I just mind the part about my parents having to meet Ms Ek because I knw exactly what they are going to say.

"Aiya she never study la... everytime go CCA la... everyday go home use computer la... never listen in class la.."
Well, they are half right, but sometimes I don't have a choice on what I can attend and can not.

If I never studied, I could always make up a reason for not knwing how to do the questions. If I did, then there's really nothing to say. Whatever it is, I just deserve it.

Whatever I can't be bothered. I am going to cram things now for history into my head. Maybe if I'm lucky I can pass, and then I might not be retained. I hope I don't mix up all the facts like I have the tendency to.

[edit] History is so messed up. Urgh. [/edit]

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Sinyee. 17.
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