Let me dream.

Thursday, September 24, 2009

I just had a perfectly civilised and polite conversation with my mother. Even though that is happening, I find that I can't bring myself to look at her face, and that I still hate her. But well, you can't exactly blame me for it. After all, she had beaten me up very viciously, twice.

Every time, when I recount this matter to a friend who would listen, I just think, how could anyone in the right state of mind actually side with my mother? She isn't just unreasonable, she's plain crazy. Maybe it's menopause, but whatever she is really just plain crazy.

Her raised and agitated voice bounces around in my head, the way she screamed out the words, that I never think I am wrong. And it is exactly the way I feel about her, she never thinks she's in the wrong. I keep thinking and thinking, is this really my fault? In any way? Am I really just wrong because she's my mother? I don't arrive at any conclusion. But I guess I'm not trying anymore. It's easier being oblivious to everyth.

Have been feeling slightly better. It's really a wonder I haven't gone crazy myself being beaten up like this twice. In fact, if anyth, I have only gotten numb from her canings. I don't really feel much, I don't want to talk back much. What's the point really, she's not going to get anyth I say, and all she will do is just give me lame excuses about why she does all the hurtful things she does.

Anyw, thanks to all the people who cared. And no, I can't call a police or go to some FRC places. All I can do is put up with this until I have my own income.. Which is not in the near future. I guess, without venting to my friends non-stop of all this shit, I might really have gone crazy.

Okay enough of heavy stuff. About today. Year 5 post-exams activities? A total flop, as usual. Honestly, I can't imagine how they sincerely feel we'd be interested. I don't knw why, but I feel slightly discomfited at the fact that those things are organised by people who are also 17, and who are supposed to understand what we like and dislike more than others. Apparently...not.

I feel quite upset after reading a friend's blog. I don't knw what it feels like because I have never had to be alone like that. I don't want to only do it now because I knw it's not going to be of much help. I just hope that, I will remember this next time. And be a better friend.

I have no hopes that tmr will be better, but still I shall be present. I am too lazy to write another letter of excuse, or go queue at the polyclinic to get an MC. Hopefully, after-school events are going to be much more entertaining and enjoyable. KTV for Seow's 17th :D

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Sinyee. 17.
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Wants a day of extensive retail therapy, good food and fun.

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