Let me dream.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Life just slips right through your fingers before you can catch it in time.
Nothing can make it stay when it's meant to go.

Be strong, because that's how he would like to see you be.

----

Is it me, or is it my surroundings that is making me feel more and more lethargic and sick of everyth everyday? I can't fall asleep at night for gods knws what reason, resulting in my extreme fatigue and affecting my mind for the papers I'd taken.

I don't want to be retained but after taking the econs paper today I kind of think I don't have a choice. Losing faith, losing faith... Chem, math and history to go. I really really, from the bottom of my heart wished I had more time and I swear I'd really give math and history a good look-through. But too bad I don't.

Chem? Not even halfway through but I wonder if a miracle could happen. Actually I just wish I can fall asleep when I go to bed at 1030 tonight. Do you knw what it feels like to be crazy tired but somehow you just can't lose consciousness after lying on your bed for about 2 hours? It's really freaking irritating. And I wished the people at home could be a little more considerate to my situation and let me fall asleep.

For crying out loud, you wonder why everyth is just so difficult. Maybe if I get retained, I totally deserve it. And it's about time too, since I'd always been struggling. If I get promoted I'll probably die in year 6 anyway. But hell, another year in this place is just unthinkable. Like 6 isn't enough? I don't want to make it 7. Lack motivation, seriously. I keep wondering why everyone can do it if they want to but I just can't. I can't do work even if I knew my life depended on it.

When will I ever wake up, or maybe studying is just not for me. Too late, the papers are half gone. Econs and chem are going to make my 2 H2 passes for me to promote. Since I'd be stupid to pin any ounce of hope on math or history. Otherwise, year 5 all over again.

Econs paper started well actually, the CSQ wasn't very difficult till I got to the 8 mark questions. Then I started losing momentum.. And I kept nodding off I had to pinch my leg to stay awake. Essays were just downright disheartening. For one thing, it was all very short answers which already made me feel like everyth I wrote is just rubbish. And for another, I just have no idea how to continue writing. I just want to pass, for the sake of me painstakingly summarising COP, market structures and market failure. Please, just give me an E I'd be thankful enough. That's all I am asking for.

Getting so fucking tired just from this.
Seriously, I wish I could help myself.

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Sinyee. 17.
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Wants a day of extensive retail therapy, good food and fun.

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