Let me dream.

Waiting

Sunday, August 9, 2009

If I had three wishes now, I would ask for eternal wealth, for great knowledge, and to skip to 4 years later when I am 21 and out of my parents' control.

When I have all the money I need, I don't have to worry about my meals anymore, nor my transport fare. I don't need to eat every meal worrying about my next meal and not pass each day like it's the last I am controlling my life. I don't need to stand the days without a phone, and I can get myself the latest phone in town. And I will get myself a laptop, so that my father can't control the times when I want to use it.

When I have great knowledge, I will ace all my exams and come back to throw the result slip in my parents' shocked faces. I will get my scholarships for studying and leave them all alone. Old and miserable, not a single cent from me they should wish to get. They never though I would get far, and I would show them just who's right and who's dumb.

Skip to 4 years later, I will be 21. And by then I'd be successful. I'd find a great job, great guy, live a great life. And the two of them will still be what they were 4 years ago, all because they couldn't bother to give me what I simply needed. Just a little understanding. So I wouldn't bother to give them what's filial. I am unfilial, but they don't deserve me to be good to them.

I don't need a bunch of people who don't care for me in my life. I don't need these people to add on to all the hindrance. Not for them to leave my laundry behind for me to do on my own, and add their smelly clothes on top of it. Not for them to snap at me to turn off the comp when I'm copying my history things like right now. Not for them to take my phone away, leave no money for me, to starve and having to using a bloody payphone.

Why do I need them for? I wouldn't even send them to the old folks' home when they get old, because they are not worth the money I would spend doing so. I will just leave them where they are and they better hope my brothers, the sons they oh-so-dote upon, will return their love. Not me, because they simple deserve nothing from me but hostilities and unkindness.

I'm waiting for these years to pass, and I will show them they were so wrong about me. I will do so much better than they think, and I don't need them, nor any other shit of theirs. If I had to work, I will work. But I will not ever subject myself to that kind of slavery again. I have kept silent for so long, I guess they've had enough of the good side of me.

Didn't think I'd last so long? Maybe eventually, one day I'd just run out of money and starve to death. I'd wait for the time I faint in school and then reveal all their ugly doings to everyone who wants to knw why a strong person like me would faint all of a sudden.

You two are loathed, and you live such a hateful life. What pride do you take in starving your own daughter? Kill me now, or regret when I grow up, and I do all sorts of things to you. You'd probably regret you were ever mean to me. You should remember, that while now you hold the authority to control my life, it will not be forever. I will live to a day where I work and earn my own money and no longer have to depend on you.

While you, the opposite. You will live to the day you have to stop working because you are so old and frail and have to depend on your kids to bring you through your old age. Bet you never thought of this, but too late now.

I've never thought I could contain so much hatred and so much vengeance. But now I am waiting. And with each passing day, that time draws nearer. And I will wait till finally I am the one who calls the shots. And then?

Down you fucking go and eat your own shit, assholes.

It's such a sad thing to feel this way towards your own parents, but you knw what? I'm better without them. They turned my heart into stone, so now, they can reap what they sown.

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Sinyee. 17.
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Wants a day of extensive retail therapy, good food and fun.

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