Let me dream.

Succumbed again. I'll never win.

Saturday, August 29, 2009

So yesterday haven't been an awesome day. Partly because I started the day getting an incredibly low mark on my GP common test which just made me feel like I'd lost touch with writing essays. And maybe finally understanding why some people thought GP was hard.

Then came PE lesson, which made my shoes and socks soaking wet. Plus some bits of grass and mud up my legs. Well, at least I did okay for the assessment. Or life would just have proven to be impossible to live through since it sucks so much. But tough luck to Sharm though, lol. Shall not elaborate =x

Went out for Mcvalue lunch after school with Liow. Had a satisfying Big Mac meal and set off to do some work. It's the most productive study date since.. since forever. I took about 2 to 3 hours understaning the topic on Oligopoly alone. The notes are really not helpful because so many things are unclear. But never mind, at least I got that down and out of the way for now.

Had wanted to start on revision for econs already. But there's still bloody history essay to hand in tmr. As usual, I have no freaking idea about the question we are supposed to write on. Like, no inkling. So, tough luck to me now huh. Anyw, if I get retained, I'll make sure to not take history as my H1 again. Something, anyth else but just not history.

Have a study date on later. Hopefully I'll be as productive as I'd been the past 2 days.

----

Finally, she's starting to make me do chores again.

A note in the morning:
"Toh Sin Yee, 把衣服晒出去. 抹你的房间."

I could almost hear it coming out of her mouth. Those commanding words, and that tone of voice. I contemplated for about 2 hours whether I should do it. She can even do it in a bloody note. A part of me thinks I should just ignore that note, since there's not much else she can do to me even if I just leave the house without doing any of it. A part of me just wants to stop stooping to her level and playing mind games and just get it over and shut her up.

I just did the laundry. But not going to mop the floor because I took too long contemplating and I don't have time. If she's unhappy that it's dirty, she can jolly well go lick it up herself. I almost haven't been in it, except to sleep, all week. Anyw, doing chores makes me feel more justified to eat up all the things at home. I just ate two packets of Hello Panda and a peach yoghurt. Lol.

So whatever. I don't knw. I find that when I wake up in the morning everyday, the first thing that comes to my mind is the money I have left and what am I going to do to make sure it lasts longer. I knw that this morning when I woke up, I was thinking whether it would be appropriate for me to steal off my ATM card and withdraw another 50 or something.

You knw what? I knw that doing those things she commanded me to do will not earn me back my phone, nor the 10 bucks which she took away from my allowance. And okay, I really don't need my phone but I really need money. I knw that she will not give anyth back to me unless I have agreed and promised to revert back to doing all the house chores. Which I will not.

I knw that I am going the hard way. Like what can a few chores do to you? Why do you refuse and reject it so much? No.. You're wrong. I am not rejecting doing house chores. I am perfectly fine with doing it. It is the way she commands me to do it. Like seriously, I am a maid or a dog. And what can a few house chores do to you? Lots.

I wouldn't even half mind if she just wanted me to do the odd laundry on weekends or mop the floor. I can do all the dishes even. But when I get back from school, so tired and all I want to do is really to eat, bathe and sleep. Then she tells me to do the laundry every single night without fail. And I have to iron the uniforms some nights as well. It just makes me wonder what does she really do at all la.

Cook dinenr? She doesn't even cook like every single day. So what happens is that, she gets back home from work at 2pm, while I am in the middle of some lesson, like history lecture, or chem lab, or floorball, or econs tutorial? And then she goes to sleep until like 5pm? And then she cooks dinner, and sits herself down in front of the telly till she goes to sleep.

Yes I knw this, because there are days when I've been sick and stayed home and seen her do all these. Chores she's done all day? Hmm.. Wash her own clothes and cook dinner. And when I get home around 7 or 8pm she'll be like "iron the uniforms and do laundry later, I am so tired. Oh and remember to fold the clothes."

So, WTF? What are you tired about man.

Just shut up already.

The worst thing is not just about doing the chores. The thing is that she claims that I never ever do anyth to contribute at home and I treat my house like a hotel where I just come home to eat and sleep then leave early in the morning again. HELLO? So your clothes have hands and legs and are capable of laying themselves out on bamboo poles, can iron themselves flat and nice and hang themselves up. And fold themselves into neat piles too?

And yeah, not forgetting that her dishes can scrub themselves clean and hop up to the rack. Like stop being a bitch la. You ask me to do, then I do it despite being tired myself. Then she doesn't even appreciate it. Yeah that's another problem, after I do something she'll just complain that it's not well done. For fuck's sake then do it yourself and don't waste my time la. Help you do you still complain.

Whevever I ask if she can do them because I am feeling tired, like after floorball. She'll say "you chose to join one what, none of my business, you never do finish cannot sleep." Excuse me, what do you think about that now? And there she was saying, if I am really tired I would have asked her to do it for me and she would. My arse la, just shut up and stop acting like a saint lo. Like talking to you is any use at all.

Whatever la I really wonder why I just rambled off so long on this. I am not mopping the floor see what she wants to do to me.

What do you feel like after a draining day at school and can't even seek solace at home because it is a whole new battle going on? Fucked up huh.

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Sinyee. 17.
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