Let me dream.

Thoughts

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Felt like saying something here, even though I don't really knw what.

Today had been largely unproductive. Actually, make that totally unproductive. I was so tired I slept past my alarm, and only woke up around 1130am. After which I had no energy nor mood to do any work whatsoever. So I just lagged and stoned in my room doing nothing before going out in the evening to JP to walk and destress with someone. I'm a spoilt brat and got away with eating curry rice and drinking bubble tea =p

Random: Black sesame soya milk smells like chocolate milk.. But tastes like... Well, sesame.

I seem to be still grappling with the fact that the floorball season is finally over for us now, and nothing, much as I wished there was something, can bring me back to that last game and fight till I faint on court. Anyth it takes, I will give. But regrets serve no purpose, and we can only move on.

No matter, the game had ignited my desire to play well and to win. I will be better. We will all be. One year later, things will be different. RVFBT we will do it together!

I believe every single one of us had grown stronger after this. Like what Wenyi always likes to say with a particularly tough day ahead "I believe that after this, I will become stronger." Although I always laugh when she says that, I find that it is true in every sense for us.

After 4 tough battles, after the countless trainings and PT sessions under the burning sun or in the early morning, we've become stronger. After all that 12 rounds and drills, we've become stronger. Each time on court is a show of the amount of effort we have put into our preparation for the games.

I've learnt from the last game that pressure to win can be lethal, like what someone always say but I never believed. Until it was thrown right back in my face. We are a new team that had played for perhaps only 6 months, many things are still not within our grasp.

After this, we will be different. No longer newbies who don't knw anyth and have no exposure. We have much to improve on after identifying our strengths and weaknesses from the games. We will be better.

Alright enough about floorball. I was writing my overdue response for the Agony Aunt thingy for CHAMPS lesson. I wrote on Excerpt E, which is about a girl writing in about her boyfriend who cheated on her. Ohwells, relationship problems are forever so inexplicable. I always marvel at how this thing makes someone lose their sense of reasoning and increases their tolerance level.

I have two friends. I always talk about their relationship problems. I don't like the way they are treated. One of them don't mind, one of them wants a change but can't seem to bring about one. Things goes both ways, effort from one party isn't going to make anyth better if the other doesn't bother.

I never think I am someone who will put up with an unfaithful boyfriend, an abusive one, or one who just don't give a shit about me. But like my mother always says, who am I to say it so early? After all, it hasn't happened to me yet, so I wouldn't knw. My mother said women are willing to tolerate the guy's unfaithfulness because she loves him too much. I really don't think I can live with my significant other shared by some other person.

Maybe my mother is right, I just don't knw it yet. Or maybe I am just different. I would like to think I am the latter. There is no point staying with a guy who does not knw how to treat you well. I'm not even talking about 999 roses or anyth extreme, I'm talking about basic ways a gentleman should behave, such as not hitting woman.

Guys, if any of you are reading this, and have hit a woman, out of pique or whatever nonsense excuse you can come up with, please feel ashamed of yourself, and feel bad about it. No man should do this to a woman, much less your girl. And talking about letting your girls wait on purpose, please reflect about it and be a little more automatic. Your girlfriends are not your maids and they don't have to wait for you to be done with your shit, so please give her a little more credit if she actually does.

And girls, please don't stay with a guy who doesn't knw how to appreciate you. Oh yes, you can live without him. Please get yourself out of the pretty facade that you can't, you're stronger than you think you are. And maybe get yourself out too, from the too-idealistic love story kind of relationship. It just doesn't happen in real life.

Don't waste time hating, don't waste time fighting, looking away and saying hurtful words to each other. Because every minute wasted is 60 seconds better spent by talking things out and telling them how much they matter to you. Sometimes when things can't work out no matter how you try, maybe it's time to just stop trying and letting things go. And this applies to friends too.

I always thought those who fell out with me because they think my character sucks is not worthy of being a friend. And I still hold on to this belief after so long, and even though I knw my character does suck. The reason I resist change is because then, I wouldn't knw who would be true.

What's the point of having a type-A character just like her and him and her and him who seems to be Ms/Mr Nice whom everyone goes to for help and remembers to invite to a party or gathering? I don't need to be well-liked by many people, I just need a few who can really appreciate me for who I am, bitch fit and all. It's okay if you can't accept me and my radical thoughts, not many people can. Being my friend doesn't even mean we have to think the same things and like the same things. That will probably be quite hard.

I just want to be who I am in front of everyone. I can be insensitive or frank, but I rather be everyth than fake and superficial. I don't want to hide behind a mask all day and make people happy when I'm feeling like shit. They can go to a clown for that.

If you hate me, it's okay. I think I probably wouldn't like you much more. And yeah, I don't care about what people who don't matter to be thinks about me.

I am thankful to remember this everytime when I am at the edge of throwing a huge bitch fit. I am thankful for those who have stuck by me, friends, and boyfriend. Though our opinions may differ, I am thankful that we always manage to talk things out.

Okay, now enough of me sounding like some saint/bitch. But at least all that I've said are what I have always believed in and it might not be right, it's just my personal belief.

It doesn't mean I don't feel like dying sometimes.
Lol, now I just want to sleep.

In any case, if someone out there disagrees with what I say, that's your business and talk about it at your own blog la.

Goodbye.

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Sinyee. 17.
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