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Sunday, May 31, 2009 I keep putting off trying to update about my birthday. Have not done anyth productive ever since I had the time to do so. Urgh. Got to need to do better than this. Chalet is coming and I haven't even asked my parents zzz. Floorball recruitment camp on Monday. Hope it doesn't wear me out for chalet. Off to sleep. Finally Saturday, May 30, 2009 Finally the last day of term 2 is over and I have a short time for relaxing before having to start on work and revision again. Am munching on the ultra big tube of chocolates the girls got me for my birthday. I knw eating chocolates at this hour is fattening, or any hour for that matter. But who cares, I just lost 2kg to unknown reasons. No PE, no floorball, eat like a pig still can lose weight. Maybe it's my muscles turned into fats. Tsktsk. I want to sleep. Post another day. Happy birthday to me! Wednesday, May 27, 2009 Hey everybody! I'm so tired after one whole day of running/cheering/walking/eating. Hahaha. Shall blog in detail another day. I have many many many to thank for the wonderful birthday. Happy birthday to me! :) [edit @ 2353] I'm going to sleep now. Goodbye 27th May! See you next year (: [/edit] Tuesday, May 26, 2009 GP test is over, and to just say what I feel about it, it's screwed. Not to mention that my stomach kept growling so loudly during the test I think everyone sitting near can hear it. Zzz. And me and my isolated island didn't get the rough paper for drafting zzz. Today was such a tiring day. Had lots of lessons after the test, and by the time PW rolled around, I was ready to pass out. But my group went for consultation by Mrs Tan. Well, at least it was meaningful and I am so glad that she's sort of officially taking our project under her. Thank god. As for the rest of my day, let's just say it was a great pleasant surprise. Thank you Sharm, Yeejin, Wenyi, Dengyin, Yanyi, Yunrou and Acer ! :D I'll blog in details tmr after everyth is over. Sad that my helium balloon became smaller ): Happy Birthday Adna (: Monday, May 25, 2009 There's GP test tmr. I don't knw what to feel about it. Falling short of expectations. Bound by all the restrictions. I am not looking forward to the month-long study break, because I knw that I can't afford to waste any time or I'd be digging my own grave. I guess I just have to believe that everyth is going to get better. Good luck all of you, for GP tmr. So many people out there feeling lost, bad about themselves. Having their hearts smashed across the floor and losing their minds. Please when you find that you can't take it anymore, and you can't think straight. Let me do the thinking for you. I can't promise to always be here, but I'll try to be whenever you need me. Please stay strong. Zzz.  My personal 球魁 who has a liking to soft colours LOL :D My table is filled with worksheets and papers. Half done and untouched work. Piling up on my table making me feel irritated and frustrated looking at them. I have finally finished my GPP and sent it to Yunrou for compiling. Am so sorry for procrastinating till last minute and leaving the bulk of the work to others to do. Anyw, Sharm and I managed to reach ECP today on time at 630am. But to find that the 100plus person doesn't really want to give a damn to us. Telling us to go wherever we want. Nothing going according to plans. We should have gotten a bit of food at the start but it only came at the end, causing us to starve like crazy. Me and Sharm kind of stranded with just 2 of us when our team is supposed to have like 10 people. Acting high and stoning some time away. Cheering seriously sucked. This CIP is damn boring and meaningless. Some people didn't even appreciate our cheering and shushed me up. Nice people, really. Saw some familiar faces. Clarine, Guofeng, super old senior Xuankai (he actually recognised me ._.), some RV bballer and MR TAN CY!! Haha damn cute. And now I am so tired for waking up at 5am. Some people totally reached at 8am. I wonder why I even bothered. After that, fp came to find me. We went to do work but I fell asleep. And he couldn't wake me up until I woke up myself with pins and needles in my leg. Went home on 198 and slept through. This weekend was a waste of time. Not productive at the very least bit. I am still wondering how do I survive this last week of term 2. I really need to sleep now or I probably will be really cranky tmr from the lack of sleep. I don't even feel like packing my bag. Or doing anyth but drop down to sleep right here on the balcony floor. Saturday, May 23, 2009 Saturday is coming to an end in about 1 hour or so. And I have accomplished nothing I thought I would be able to by tonight. Same old problems, all over again. Went for floorball PT this morning. Feeling quite tired now and aching in the legs because we forgot to do stretching after the run. Went out for lunch and met fp for awhile. Headed home. Had been tied down with chores and trying to figure out the fastest way to travel from Boonlay to Bedok and on time for the CIP. Well, have established the fact that it is impossible for us unless we go by cab. And that's not likely, since the destination is at the other end of the island. I just hope that after all the troubles, and having to wake up at like 430am or something, it is actually going to be worth it and not like a complete waste of me time. With the day rolling around in another 4 days or so, I'm not feeling any better about my life. I hope things get better. Got work to do. Bye. Thoroughly sick of life It's kind of late now, and I'm really supposed to be asleep. There's PT on early tmr morning, but it's alright. I don't really care about anyth anymore. Sleeping enough, doing my work, worrying about PW, playing floorball well... Who cares really? I really don't think I would want to expect anyth more from myself and others. I think I'll just drown in the disappointments if I get anymore of it. Like I'm not already overflowing with it. Like I'm actually that forgivable towards others. Like real. I have gotten so good at acting that I am disgusted and disappointed at myself. I really want to scream at some people sometimes, HEY, STOP BEING FUCKED UP, but all I do, is give an uninterested smile and walk away. Pathetic. And I don't knw why I am reduced to this. Am spilling my guts out over MSN to Sharm and Wenyi. Thank god for these people, if not I would have been driven crazy by all the fucked up things that keep coming up these days to make life tougher than it already is. Y'knw, I still can't get over some things. I don't knw why all these things are happening. But I am thoroughly sick of everyth in my life. Everthing. I don't knw why some things are just so difficult. I don't knw why they just get increasingly difficult. And I don't knw just what the fuck am I expected to react when I get shit from people. All the rest, will go over to another place. Goodbye. Needs to get better! Tuesday, May 19, 2009 I hope I did okay for history test. Managed to finish with only 2 factors for each view, and my elaboration was not exactly that elaborate.. I hope I can scrape a pass. Well, at least it's over. If I'm lucky I can win a bet and get nice ice-cream.... Hmm. Better not think too much. In the end, no 5km today. Looks like there was some communication breakdown. But it'll still come on Saturday a.k.a PT day. And heard of some weird collaboration for training tmr again. I feel damn irritated by it, but I guess I can only accept my fate. Seriously, I don't think anyone of us, or them enjoys the collaboration. Floorball is what floorball is. And, nothing else. GPP is suffocating me. I think Yunrou is quite right in saying our GPP is kind of too thin and empty. But I can't think well now, and I have not gotten down to doing my section. I need some serious motivation. Due on Friday! Anyw, shall applaud my group's effort for the discussion today, especially to Binsing hahaha. Continue to jiayou people, and double up efforts! I want to stop feeling so lost all the time. I want to start finding my direction and bearings, even though the second term is already ending. I hope it's not too late. I need a driving force (reminds me of history - capitalism and internation interdependence as driving forces for economic growth LOL) Most certainly, I do not want to be tied down by GPP this holidays because I need the whole month for serious revision, seeing as how backward I am. But I don't have a choice. Everyone is going through the same thing. Am I going to ever have a chance to turn everyth over? I really hope things are gna get better. For studies, for floorball, for PW, and everyth else. Shall look on the bright side. One more week to my birthday surprise! Still can't manage to force anyth substantial out of someone =/ Well well, shall just anticipate, and meanwhile try and squeeze more info :D Haha I love you people! Byebye I'm off to sleep (without doing econs or PW or math) Urgh what to do ): Monday, May 18, 2009 Still studying, but I'm going to sleep soon. Anyw, the $5.90 Subway meal is expired already. Me and fp got scammed just now! Had to pay extra for cookies, zzz. But I still ate, and still had my bubble tea. Just that I didn't get to eat doughtnuts, or sushi. Aww.. Haha, I foiled the plans of someone(s) for surprising me! Too bad la, I'm too sharp for you to hide around =p But anyway, looking forward! :D Feel happy and have something to anticipate. Thank you people :) Okay la, I'm feeling GPP's weight killing me already. Stressed! And 5km run on tmr. Zzz.. Okay la, enough about Soviet Union and United States. Time for bed! See you people tmr (: Hello to all the people who are suffering in school! :D I had swollen goldfish eyes today due to lack of sleep, so I didn't go to school. But I have no excuse not to study for my history test now. And my goldfish eyes are still here! Zzz. Anyw, feeling much better now after clearing some things up. Though it was not a dialogue, but more of one-way statements and one-way replies, it's better than still acting like I'm fine. Thanks someone (: Urgh, I'm kind of worried about my absence for PW lesson today (tries to act important) because we're supposed to do productive discussion about changes to strategies in my PI. Yeah of all people's, my group wants to use my PI which I think is screwed up ._. Okay, shall text them later, or just communicate during PW through texts. Had wanted to talk about group dynamics today, but goldfish eyes stopped me ._. Okay tmr then. Suddenly feel like eating Subway cookies. Random. Anyw, went out walking yesterday with someone and I saw this pretty black&gold Puma bag which costs like $69 zzz. Also available in pink&gold and blue&gold. Wah hope some people kind enough to buy me that for my birthday -hints hints- Just kidding la. I go rob my mother for it. That's even less possible than other people buying it for me zzz. Later if I go out I want to drink bubble tea and eat doughnuts or something. And seriously I'm getting fat, but whatever la. Floorball will take care of that for me! Obviously I'm kuku from studying too much United States and Soviet Union. CONTINUING NOW. Byebye sufferers in school :D But I'm kind of suffering too. Gah. Anyw, more random. I hate pretty people GAH. Sunday, May 17, 2009 Was in the middle of ranting about my fucked up life. Then I kind of realised I'm posting at the wrong blog. I have no mood to study for my history essay test tmr. Whatever, I can fail it. Since my progress report is already filled with U anyway. Like I really give a shit to anyth anymore. Why did my everyday end up like terrible days? Saturday, May 16, 2009 In a terrible mood today. Unable to be cheered up by anyone or anyth. But I guess I wouldn't count on anyone to try and make things better. I'll just get myself truckloads of disappointment. I don't knw why I even bother doing anyth if nobody knws how to appreciate it. Well, if nobody wants to bother about me, then fine, don't bother. And don't step on my toes because I am not bothering to stay nice anymore. You asked for it. Seriously. If you can't appreciate things that I do for you then Fuck. Off. Don't need you around to make my life more miserable than it already is. I feel like I am a fucktard who do things for other people who never knw how to appreciate it. Why even bother anymore? I should just stop doing all these and act like I don't give a shit about anyth huh? Do I really have to open my mouth to ask for things before you will give it to me? I don't want to continue to stay strong and act like I am okay when all I really want to do is let those tears fall. I am not a weakling, but I have feelings, which happens to get hurt easily. Maybe I just don't show it, but who cares man, you can just let me go wallow in my self-pity. Yeah, like anyone fucking gives a damn. FML  Team with Stella.  Stella! Slept late last night and woke up late this morning. More like afternoon. Don't feel like doing any history now at all. Feeling pissed with the people at home. They are really a bunch of useless people who only knw how to add on to the mess. Never getting anyth done around the house yet pretending like they are some big shot. Reason why I need a laptop is so obvious yet my parents just don't give a damn to how I feel. Why are games they play more important than my PW? I am expected to only use the computer from after 9.30pm and no earlier than that, unless no one is at home. Then the computer is shared between my brothers for the rest of the day. I can't even use it late into the night because my father claims that I am wasting electricity. Fuck my life. And they complain. For crying out loud, go fuck yourselves la. I want to give my younger brother a good lashing seriously, for thinking he is such an important person to expect me to give him the computer when he wants it, even when I'm doing more important things. But then I guess I can't even be bothered. Can you even believe that if I use it when I am not supposed to I have to tolerate them eating into my time at night? What the fuck la seriously. Since my parents are so biased, I wouldn't even mind if they would buy them a laptop to use so they can stop taking my right away from doing work on the computer. I feel so bloody exploited la. Who reaches home after a tough day at school and is expected to do the laundry and iron your own uniform? As if it isn't bad enough that I'm treated like some unpaid maid. I always contemplate the day I just shut my bedroom door in their face and tell my mother to get something done instead. Take away my money and take away my phone la, for all I bloody care. When there's nothing else for you to take away, I'll see what you can do about me. You think without money and without a phone will stop me from going out? It just stops you from being able to locate me when you want to. So you can't summon me home to do your chores. Ha, do it quick please. All I am saying is, I just want a little respect. It's not about me having to do all these things and having to give in. It is about their tone of voice when they ask me to do it. Like a demand, like I owe them something, like I am obliged to. Fuck, I don't owe you no shit and not obliged to. I'm not even sorry, or ever will be, about posting all these things on my blog. I didn't post it because I'm angry. I posted it because they are facts. Give me a break, will all of you. Stop treating me like your dog. I sound childish, but I really don't care. I have a fucked up family man. Life sucks and don't tell me it doesn't. You don't knw what it feels like. Hey PVC, I wna acknowledge my family for making an impact on my life. Thanks mother, for letting me knw what it feels like to be your dog and unpaid maid, and someone to go to when you need help, but when you don't need her you can snap and tell her to get lost. Thanks father, for letting me knw the value of my life. Which is nothing. Since you claim I'm useless. But look who's talking. Thanks brothers, for fucking my whole life upside down, for thinking you're great and hogging the computer all day long, sometimes when I didn't even do anyth in the day. Thanks my family, for never being there for me when I needed some help, and some rest. For exploiting me like you picked me up from a rubbish bin instead of giving birth to me. For letting me knw there is nothing good about home. Yeah, there's no place like home that makes me feel like I am worth nothing more than a dog. Thanks for nothing. But it's okay. I've learnt to be independent after all these years. So, it's not like I really need anyone around to fuss over me. Needs a break Friday, May 15, 2009 I've finally got through the week alive. Feeling so tired especially after sleeping late in a feeble attempt to get some chem stuffs into my head last night. Last minute cramming really kills. Plus some people like to distract me with his webcam doing stupid things for me to see, tsktsk. Anyw, the test was manageable. Still, it doesn't mean that I'm going to pass. Made a few careless mistakes here and there, but also got some questions right by luck.. So whether I'm going to pass the test or not, I only can tell when I get the paper back. And! The bet is only open to Yuhong, Shaun and Jaslin because they tagged. All the rest...Hmm too bad, no tag = no interest in the ice-cream. 3 already can burn a hole in my pocket which was never full anyway. But anyw! Who said I'm passing the damn test. Went out with fp after school today to have lunch. I had Subway cookies! Lagged around and went back to school for floorball PT. Didn't do the beep test. Seems rather challenging, but good that everyone managed to pass Mrs Chan's expectation of level 6 and above. Then we did some drills and stuff then was done for the day. Our expectations for NAPFA is kind of unattainable. 2.4km run expected to be below 12 minutes. I think I have to remind myself that I am a human with restrictions and I can't run like Dash from The Incredibles. There will be a NAPFA test specially set up for sports CCA people at the end of the year to test our eligibility for school team (i.e. Gold or not). I think this really sucks. They don't even want to go by the normal standards. What, sports people are supposed to all be robots or supermen? Zzz. Was told that we have to run 5km weekly and that is about 12 rounds. And then 10km monthly. Suddenly it feels like floorball became a source of my stress instead of something which I can relax and enjoy playing. Well, I knw our standards and expectations are different now. So I can only grumble and then carry on with it and keep my mouth shut. I feel so tired while going home today. I don't even knw what is so straining or whether it is just me. I really feel like I want a break now, but then I have to trudge on to my neverending pile of work. All the tests are finally over for now, but I am reminded that I have history graded essay to write in lecture on Monday, so I need to prepare this weekend. Enough of 5 months of putting off history. I don't even knw why we need to have a progress report for term 2 when we didn't really take that many tests. Just another piece of rubbish to bring home for my parents to mock at. U again. But then, I tried and I don't regret this time. Still, no one will believe me as usual. But I guess it's okay because I'll just get used to the fact that I am just what it is, which really is not alot. I will get better. PW is moving on to GPP and I am having group discussion on MSN tmr night. We are still in the process of choosing PI. And my plan only tells us to draft the contents page on Monday PW lesson. But then someone told me their GPP first draft is due next week. I swear, if he tells me on Monday it is due on Tuesday, this thing is going up to the top. I don't care if he wants to fail all my assignments or make my life hard, I don't care if I hurt his feelings, this shit has got to stop. Meanwhile, I need to pick myself up and keep going. I really want my group to do well for PW and I need to plan well and lead well. Need to put off the procrastinations and let positive stress lead me on. Need to keep my head above the water. I hope I survive and become stronger. I'll go sleep now. Thursday, May 14, 2009 Eh chem test tmr fail liao. I tell you if I pass the test, I treat all my blog readers Ben&Jerry ice-cream. Anyw people, remember to bring your luler hor. Contented Wednesday, May 13, 2009 Hey world, I am back again. My tagboard seems to be pretty active these days? I thought nobody apart from my fellow classmates read this space anymore. And the only reason they do is just to get their regular dose of my praises for my ST. (As if they haven't heard enough from me in school) Lessons today were fine. Almost. Alive and kicking in econs tutorial, instant death in math, and a miraculous rebirth when break rolled around. And I don't even knw why someone always has to drag lesson time when we didn't exactly start late. His complete ignorance to our telling him that time's up. (10.03am) Cheehooi: Mr, time's up already. Mr: Now, let's move on to question 3b. Me: What. The. Hell. Wenyi: Wlao. Mr: -blahblah- Me: If he attempts to do 3c I will throw my shoe at him -.- (10.10am) Mr: Okay go home and finish this tutorial. We will go through questions 4b, 5, 7 and 8 tmr. Me: He think he can go through so fast meh -.- For goodness sake, one hour lesson today he only did like 2+ questions okay. Talk about our productivity and efficiency. Tsktsk. Anyw I want to say that Leon is right by saying it is hard for him to separate between Math And PW stuffs and it's because we don't hand in his work for math, so he give us this attitude. But then again, if you are so far gone and can't be more fair about this, then don't come and be a teacher la. The least he can do is just mark my PI. Is that alot to ask for? After that, had an interesting lesson for GP. Then quite a productive make-up tutorial for econs where we got our essay tests back. Failed again, but whatever, at least I didn't do as badly as what I anticipated and I knw I could have got a better score if I did include examples. Self consolation, but whatever.. CHAMPS was interesting too! Body language, everyone was laughing at some of the things that was shown. Like how our feet tend to point in the direction of the people we are attracted to. And pupils dilate with eyes aflame?! Hahaha. Floorball today was slack but fun. Played match with all the people in groups. Stella is such a pro haha. Our groups have names which are damn hilarious and lack of creativity according to Stella. Little Nyonya, Pikachu and Powershot! Then Stella called her team Sure Win LOLL. Then did penalty shots. Me and Sharm got condemned ._. Because our shots were just off target. Even Yueniang the Goalie got in at first shot! Gahhh. Ended early, and went to the canteen. Stella treated us drinks! :D Then talked about the last match with IJC in which Stella told me I totally screwed the game. Ohwell. I will get better! Had dinner at Thai Express today with fp :D The food was great and I didn't have to pay anyth more than 2 bucks because my mother gave me cash vouchers hoho. Reached home damn late but happy. Anyw in the morning, I had this conversation with Yunrou. Yunrou: I think I damn suay leh, every morning see (insert name of subject of crticism) on the way to school. Yesterday I take 97 then he take 97, today I take 100 then he also take 100. Me: Haha see him first thing in the morning then suay whole day liao. Yunrou: Ya lo, I rather see -something I didn't quite catch- Me: I rather see XXX running around naked than see him -.- I still want my doughnut sushi pasta feast. I hope got people treat for birthday haha :O Alright, I am apparently abit kuku today because I am so tired. My posts are getting more of everyday-life stuffs. Live with it la. I'm too tired to think of meaningful and impactful things to blog about. AND I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED ON CHEM REVISION OKAY!!!!! I shall have an early night. PW frenzy! Tuesday, May 12, 2009 Well, life wasn't that bad the first day back at school. Considering that I managed to get away without doing anyth productive over the long weekend. Apart from the fact that I was feeling kind of dead in the first few lessons, but I successfully stopped myself from falling asleep. As for whether I absorbed the information, that's another story. Didn't have chem practical today because Mr Azmi wasn't feeling well. Ahh.. So it became a free period of which I spent pre-doing my practical 13 with Sharman before the make-up session after school. After that, I had a mere 7 minutes left before PW lecture to print my PI out. The library didn't have free PCs, so I went to the computer lab. After waiting for eons for the computer to boot, it can't detect my thumbdrive. I left the computer lab 10 minutes late for class and have no printed PI. Heaven is unfair. I spent the lecture stranded from my class with no notes because there just wasn't enough, god knws why, but Chiouyih kindly gave hers to me. Thanks alot! Anyw, I was trying hard not to laugh out loud whenever Ms Chitra referred to our ST's as noble and hardworking figures who go all out to help us in every possible way. How very fitting in my case. -snorts- Notice the commotion in my class too whenever STs are mentioned. Lol, it tells alot y'knw. Back to class for a supposed fruitful discussion about the GPP with our groups. After the whole world got their groups, ours was finally released today. My group consists of Wenyi, Yunrou, Eeling and Binsing. Not a bad group, I guess. Given the responsibility as a group leader. I hope I can keep things afloat and survive everyth and lead my teammates through. Somethings I would like to say. Wenyi: Mr, when do we have to hand in our final GPP? Mr: -hesistates- Er, I'll give you all the exact date next lesson? Wenyi: Oh okay.. Me + Yunrou: It just means he doesn't knw anyth la.. -Laughs- Mr: I have to return you people your PI because the PW committee told me that you need a title for your PI. Class: -silence- Mr: Just spend about 5 minutes to think of the title then I'll collect your PIs back. Someone: Can we hand in at the end of the lesson? We want to use our PI for discussion today leh. Mr: No, this is exam document, I am actually not supposed to give it back to you one okay. Me: So who's the one who told us to leave the 'title' column blank? -.- Mr: I have here a sample GPP, which is quite a good GPP, for you all to take a look. I will make copies for you all next lesson, today you will share this copy. Mr: Actually I'm not even supposed to make copies because it is exam document one lor.. Me: Yeah, you everyth also not supposed to one la. Mr: As the lecturer had told you all just now, you can either choose your group project from one of your team mates' PI, or if you don't like anyone's idea, you can come up with your own. Mr: But then, you see you all do your PI also need 5 to 6 weeks to finalise right. If you want to start on an entirely new topic now it will take you another few weeks. Then you will waste alot of time, so you should just pick one of your team mates' PI. Me: Why he always denies us of other options? Wenyi: Ya! Haix. I have a sad life. I really want to have a doughnut feast man! Was thinking about eating doughnuts all day. I am dreaming of going to the doughnut shop at Vivo and say "Uncle! Give me one of each kind please!" Gluttonous la, but anyth.. Byebye, I love PW. Not even joking. I will get better Monday, May 11, 2009 Hello. Tmr is Tuesday again and there's school all over again. I want to kill myself. -spasms- I'm disgusted with myself because I foiled my study plans for today by sleeping past my alarm till 11am today! Then I just kept lagging and doing my work at a really slow pace. Got a few things done before going out for dinner with someone. I like going out at night! :D When I have money near my birthday, I want to have: 1. A doughnut feast 2. A sushi feast 3. A pasta feast 4. Buy shoes And when I become really rich, what I most want to do: 1. Buy my Vaio CS 2. Buy the whole of Popular 3. Bribe the school to sack a teacher Both my school shoes and pumps are in shreds or something. Cannot wear liao, but my mother don't want to give my $$ to buy the shoes that I want! Zzz, sad life, but what to do? I just established the fact that I have a fetish for stationery today. Files, pens, notebooks blahblah. Is it just me? o.o And I just realised I left my IC in the school library when I was using the PC terminal ._. And I also realised that I haven't handed up my practical 14 ._. And there's make-up tmr for practical 13 after PW. And I have not started on chem revision at all and the test is on Friday. Woohoo, life can't get better than this. But I will get better! Try. Anyway this post is very random and disorganised. I'm very disorganised these days. And I think the reason is because _____ -looks at someone- Okay byebye. I'll go and embrace school tmr. Sunday, May 10, 2009 I'm feeling like shit. Today hasn't been productive either. Somehow I just can't make myself focus. One last day left. I think I'm staying home tmr. Staying up late tonight. Chem still untouched. I really wish I can just be done with school, or life and go sleep underground for awhile. Thoughts Felt like saying something here, even though I don't really knw what. Today had been largely unproductive. Actually, make that totally unproductive. I was so tired I slept past my alarm, and only woke up around 1130am. After which I had no energy nor mood to do any work whatsoever. So I just lagged and stoned in my room doing nothing before going out in the evening to JP to walk and destress with someone. I'm a spoilt brat and got away with eating curry rice and drinking bubble tea =p Random: Black sesame soya milk smells like chocolate milk.. But tastes like... Well, sesame. I seem to be still grappling with the fact that the floorball season is finally over for us now, and nothing, much as I wished there was something, can bring me back to that last game and fight till I faint on court. Anyth it takes, I will give. But regrets serve no purpose, and we can only move on. No matter, the game had ignited my desire to play well and to win. I will be better. We will all be. One year later, things will be different. RVFBT we will do it together! I believe every single one of us had grown stronger after this. Like what Wenyi always likes to say with a particularly tough day ahead "I believe that after this, I will become stronger." Although I always laugh when she says that, I find that it is true in every sense for us. After 4 tough battles, after the countless trainings and PT sessions under the burning sun or in the early morning, we've become stronger. After all that 12 rounds and drills, we've become stronger. Each time on court is a show of the amount of effort we have put into our preparation for the games. I've learnt from the last game that pressure to win can be lethal, like what someone always say but I never believed. Until it was thrown right back in my face. We are a new team that had played for perhaps only 6 months, many things are still not within our grasp. After this, we will be different. No longer newbies who don't knw anyth and have no exposure. We have much to improve on after identifying our strengths and weaknesses from the games. We will be better. Alright enough about floorball. I was writing my overdue response for the Agony Aunt thingy for CHAMPS lesson. I wrote on Excerpt E, which is about a girl writing in about her boyfriend who cheated on her. Ohwells, relationship problems are forever so inexplicable. I always marvel at how this thing makes someone lose their sense of reasoning and increases their tolerance level. I have two friends. I always talk about their relationship problems. I don't like the way they are treated. One of them don't mind, one of them wants a change but can't seem to bring about one. Things goes both ways, effort from one party isn't going to make anyth better if the other doesn't bother. I never think I am someone who will put up with an unfaithful boyfriend, an abusive one, or one who just don't give a shit about me. But like my mother always says, who am I to say it so early? After all, it hasn't happened to me yet, so I wouldn't knw. My mother said women are willing to tolerate the guy's unfaithfulness because she loves him too much. I really don't think I can live with my significant other shared by some other person. Maybe my mother is right, I just don't knw it yet. Or maybe I am just different. I would like to think I am the latter. There is no point staying with a guy who does not knw how to treat you well. I'm not even talking about 999 roses or anyth extreme, I'm talking about basic ways a gentleman should behave, such as not hitting woman. Guys, if any of you are reading this, and have hit a woman, out of pique or whatever nonsense excuse you can come up with, please feel ashamed of yourself, and feel bad about it. No man should do this to a woman, much less your girl. And talking about letting your girls wait on purpose, please reflect about it and be a little more automatic. Your girlfriends are not your maids and they don't have to wait for you to be done with your shit, so please give her a little more credit if she actually does. And girls, please don't stay with a guy who doesn't knw how to appreciate you. Oh yes, you can live without him. Please get yourself out of the pretty facade that you can't, you're stronger than you think you are. And maybe get yourself out too, from the too-idealistic love story kind of relationship. It just doesn't happen in real life. Don't waste time hating, don't waste time fighting, looking away and saying hurtful words to each other. Because every minute wasted is 60 seconds better spent by talking things out and telling them how much they matter to you. Sometimes when things can't work out no matter how you try, maybe it's time to just stop trying and letting things go. And this applies to friends too. I always thought those who fell out with me because they think my character sucks is not worthy of being a friend. And I still hold on to this belief after so long, and even though I knw my character does suck. The reason I resist change is because then, I wouldn't knw who would be true. What's the point of having a type-A character just like her and him and her and him who seems to be Ms/Mr Nice whom everyone goes to for help and remembers to invite to a party or gathering? I don't need to be well-liked by many people, I just need a few who can really appreciate me for who I am, bitch fit and all. It's okay if you can't accept me and my radical thoughts, not many people can. Being my friend doesn't even mean we have to think the same things and like the same things. That will probably be quite hard. I just want to be who I am in front of everyone. I can be insensitive or frank, but I rather be everyth than fake and superficial. I don't want to hide behind a mask all day and make people happy when I'm feeling like shit. They can go to a clown for that. If you hate me, it's okay. I think I probably wouldn't like you much more. And yeah, I don't care about what people who don't matter to be thinks about me. I am thankful to remember this everytime when I am at the edge of throwing a huge bitch fit. I am thankful for those who have stuck by me, friends, and boyfriend. Though our opinions may differ, I am thankful that we always manage to talk things out. Okay, now enough of me sounding like some saint/bitch. But at least all that I've said are what I have always believed in and it might not be right, it's just my personal belief. It doesn't mean I don't feel like dying sometimes. Lol, now I just want to sleep. In any case, if someone out there disagrees with what I say, that's your business and talk about it at your own blog la. Goodbye. Speechless Friday, May 8, 2009 Struck speechless, as I saw the goals go in one by one. Final score 0-4. I couldn't believe this was how we're going to end the season. I was put out of play after awhile. Wasn't in good form due to my cough and blocked nose, I couldn't breathe properly and was breathless after just abit of sprinting. Even when I was on court, I felt like I was just floating around then line change. So disappointed with myself. But today had 3V4 powerplay against us and I was the only defender. Made me quite stunned for awhile since I didn't knw if I will let in more goals. Thankfully I managed, though it doesn't really make a difference already. I am so sorry girls. I don't knw if my illness was just an excuse, but I knew I was afraid. I don't knw why it became like this. Stella said we made them look good, when they are actually cheering about nothing. She said watching us play disgust her. They saw us getting reprimanded, and a girl actually led them in cheering and screaming and clapping. I feel so terrible. Because I played like a prissy. Let's train harder girls, and come back stronger next year. We will make Stella proud of us. And we'll be the ones to do the cheering in their faces. I will become better. Anyw, the report on Redsports about the MI game is here. #19 is me! http://redsports.sg/2009/05/08/river-valley-millennia-institute-floorball Don't wish to say much more for now. I'm so tired now that the floorball week is over. Thanks someone for watching and being there despite being so sick. Please get well soon! Worn out Thursday, May 7, 2009 Big game tmr, feeling stressed like I did on Tuesday night. Every game that we have the possibility to win, expected to win, I feel an unseen pressure to perform and not screw up. I am so afraid, but my teammates always say I look calm ._. Someone was sick today and didn't go to school. So I took his things from Jiachen and went to meet him after going out with Wenyi, Sharman, Dengyin to buy Wenyi's school shoes. Tried to carbo-load but I don't really have enough money to do that. Ate things that wouldn't hurt my throat further. Hope someone would feel better soon. Then went to macs to attempt to do some work. All I managed to complete was my overdue chem practial 14, then I fell asleep for half an hour -.- After I woke up, I didn't feel like doing anyth more, so I went home. Damn tired this whole week because of floorball. I am losing my voice and my ulcer is still irritating me. And, I am broke. Yesterday in class, I was falling asleep in econs tutorial, and Miss Lee WM commented on how tired the floorball girls looked. And for the rest of the lesson, I tried really hard to concentrate but I think I only managed to look like a dead fish. During math tutorial, I just slept through until the last 10 minutes of the lesson. Last game against IJC tmr. It matters so much, but I'm trying not to let it get into me. Need to remind myself that we've got nothing to lose. RVFBT let's go kick some ass tmr! Victory! Wednesday, May 6, 2009 I am so tired. Proud of RVFBT! 4-3 victory over MI today, good job girls! First goal scored by me (: -Pats my shoulder- Good job especially to Zhijun, Yueting and many others for saving the day! Stella said Zhijun was like some tombstone infront of the goal hahaha. And I was quite blur I didn't even knw we were playing one man down 3V4 wth ._. Went for dinner at Pastamania with the girls to celebrate our victory today. Feels good to stuff myself, though my ulcer has evolved from 1 into 5 -.- It looks like a control panel now, one big one in the middle, and 4 small ones at up down left right of the big one LOL. Terrible. Last game with IJC on Friday. Keep it up girls! I don't knw why Tuesday, May 5, 2009 Feeling terrible today. Tired from floorball, and down with a bad case of sore throat. My emergency supply of Strepsils is diminishing. Actually, I only have one left. The ulcer in my mouth is getting bigger and bigger because I kept biting it accidentally when eating. Then I stupidly put salt on it, only to make it swell bigger. Now I can only chew with the right side of my mouth in case I bite on the ulcer again. Lessons were alright today, managed to keep awake in most of them despite feeling sleep-deprived for this week. During PW, I got my math lecture test 2 back. Did far worse than I anticipated. Why is the marking scheme so strict? I don't even get method marks. And yet another U grade for math. After school, watched the video for yesterday's match against RJ. Stella pointed out some strengths and weaknesses. Feeling nervous about the match tmr. But I can't let this screw me up! Shall play better and be a chiongster too. I am so sick of my life, and I don't knw what doesn't suck. Nothing more to bitch about. Oh yeah, it's me here again for some ranting. Just finished my PI final draft. Gna be the thing I'm handing in tmr. A load off my shoulders, finally, after all my struggle and torment. Sad to say, it's not gna be the end of my nightmare. After listening to the sorrows of my fellow classmates about today's particular lesson, I feel sorry for all of us. And sometimes, I wonder just why the hell I stay up late and try to accomplish some things when there are people who just don't give a shit to my efforts. Don't even bother with it huh, throw it right back in my face. Do I deserve this? Does anyone? Why do we, suffer different fates and all the unfairness. It's not even like it's out of my ability. It's about how some things just don't even get through. Do you have the right to deprive me of my right to get something better, just because you only ask for the bare minimum, just because additional efforts are not compulsory? Am I obliged to feel satisfied with the least? You can be, but I won't. Why are you like this? Why won't you just give us a little more credit? People put in effort for their work you knw, and it's not meant for you to just throw it back in our faces, untouched. Is this the right way to do things? I feel so... Unjust for myself. This is not what I deserve, nor anyone of us. Why do you have to make each and every time so excruciating for all of us? Can't you make things be a little better for all of us so we can just get through and all be happy? Why am I subjected to this? I don't knw why. ---- Alright, about the RJ match. We lost 0-2. But if you happened to stroll into the hall when the final whistle went off, you might have mistaken that it was us who won instead. It never felt so good to lose. Defence was solid, Stella says. Good job everyone! But I played like shit today, so no credit to me. The first 2 goals were scored in the first period, for subsequent periods, no goals. We managed to keep our defence up all the way. Anyway, I realise that I keep hitting the faces of people of RJ when I'm doing free hits. I whacked one girl below the chin and for the rest of the period, she was on me like a bull. Tough luck for bad aiming. It was a good match. Now we're done playing with the Giants, MI and IJ are up next. But the less good they get, the bigger stress we face. I feel compelled to win, but I must never let it get into my head. MI's gna be a tough one, seeing as their people are really aggressive. Will get better and better, or so I would like to believe. Hope I stop feeling like I'm down with swine flu soon. Anyway, I want to tell you people that, if you want to play truancy, you better get the hell lost and don't show your face around where I'll see you. Don't give me your self-righteous bullshit, I had enough of bullshit from people, and especially from you. Quit this seriously, or at least try harder next time with a better excuse. PI Monday, May 4, 2009 It hasn't been a very good day today. I think that life is really unfair, and I am so sick of being shortchanged all the time, being at the receiving end of other people's bullshit, and worse of all, not being able to do anyth about all this. However, even though life has its ups and downs, I knw that I can always count on my PW ST to make things better. I so love him man. And I shall let all of you feel jealous about what a great ST I have. Before I went off for floorball tournament today, me and Sharm went to the staffroom to look for my ST to get my PI 3rd draft back so that I can edit and send in the final PI tmr. While waiting, I was half expecting my PI to be filled with his insightful comments and lots of places where I can improve on. And I was right! Just that it must have been written in lime juice and I must iron on it for me to see the comments. Brimming with my immense gratitude for him, I was gushing about how much he had helped me perfect my PI to my teammates on the way to CCK Sports Complex. You see, I gave my PI to him on Thurday before the long weekend, it must have been really hard on him to give me such constructive and helpful comments in this short period. Especially seeing that it was written in lime juice so that only he knws what he wrote, and me of course, when I iron on it. Such thoughtful action, don't you think? So that no one will be able to copy the ideas because they can't see it! I pity all the other people, who has to submit like 4 to 5 drafts for their ST's approval. It must have been such a hassle. Isn't my life so much easier? Just 2 drafts and I'm ready to hand in the real thing already! My ST really has 5N's interest at heart, seeing as how he only accepts two drafts from us so that we can save on all the trouble doing and redoing our PI. And I love it that he thinks highly of all of us! :D To him, we must be like really smart brainiacs, to be able to knw how to do everyth without his spoonfeeding. Oh yeah, I love this feeling to the max. With this amount of effort put in by my ST, I think 5N is going to be the class with the most outstanding score in the level at the end of everyth! Bye everyone, hope you feel jealous! I'll post about the match against RJ when I come on later. I just really needed to express my heartfelt gratitude towards my ST :D:D Off to iron my PI so that I can see the secret comments! It gets better Sunday, May 3, 2009 This had been a productive weekend. Done the bulk of my work yesterday with Sharm and Wenyi. Only left with my math tutorials, which I don't intend to do. Other than that, all clear! :D I think this weekend was so productive because I only spent one day with fp hahaha. So, today was not very productive, partly because I have done most of my work and I feel too sian to continue doing those left, and partly because.. Well, it's fp. LOL. Match against RJC tmr, hopes are not high, but will still put in my best. Afterall, I haven't played for like, 5 days alr. Gna be a tough week ahead, with 4 out of 5 days dedicated to floorball. I really don't think there will be much energy in me left to do any assignments next week. I just hope I'll be able to catch up, or at the very least, have enough sleep to focus in class. I suddenly forgot what I want to blog about. But I do have many many overdue pictures to post! Lunch at Pizza Hut:   Wenyi and my overly tilted head.  This is kinda candid, lol.   Trying to act nerd with our high bags.  Group photo of the day.  :D  The mugger and the slacker. Tsktsk.  Wenyi looks like a peaceful sleeping baby. Hahaha.  And she loves my phone.  The mugger and the slacker ver 2.0  At subway. & last but not the least,  Clarine's birthday celebration! My unglamness tends to infinity LOL. Oh yeah, best joke last night while I was going to do laundry. Me: -opens washing machine door- Eh why so many bits of paper? Who put their tissue paper in to wash?! Father: -rushes in- Wah, big piece leh, the whole washing machine also have. Me: Am I supposed to clean this up? ._. Father: -picks out a piece of paper and opens it- Is this yours? (Because it had number and writing on it) Me: No -.- Eh, wait.. It looks like a bank account book... Father: -calls for my mum- Where is your POSB book?! Mother: -rushes in with :O face- Father: Omg, only you will do this kind of things can!! Seriously, my mother does the funniest things that can be done. Her bank account book became pieces of paper -.- Lol okay, that's all! Work and more work Friday, May 1, 2009 Hello world. My computer went down yesterday, and because of it (plus someone who was shunning me away, saying that I was disturbing him from doing work), I went to sleep at 10.50pm. Crazily early, but well, I was tired. Stayed home the whole of today, can you believe it! Ohwell, because nobody asked me out and I was lazy to ask people out so just stayed home. And did chores, and homework. Tmr going out on study date with Sharm and Wenyi. Must be productive! Grahh. Anyway, have been neglecting my work alot due to floorball, adding on to my own procrastination. For two weeks I didn't really attempt any work, exceptions are work that needs to be handed in, like my PI and econs essay. So, this resulted in a pile-up of my tutorials and assignments which mostly should have been done long ago! This weekend I got to be superwoman and finish all these: 2. GP vocab worksheet 4. Math tut 3C 5. Math tut 4 6. Math tut 5 (selected questions) 8. Chem tut 5 9. Chem tut 6 (self-attempt questions) 10. Chem assignment 4 11. Update history journal 12. Econs tut 4 (section B) 13. Econs tut 3 CSQ Q1 & 2 Others which are not so urgent: 1. Update GP notebook 2.GP articles on crime and punishment In red are the overdue ones. And I only managed to finish a few today, those striked out. But am going to update my history journal by tonight, and maybe do the GP vocab worksheet. Gah. Next week floorball matches on Monday, Wednesday and Friday. What if Stella wants an extra training on Tuesday or Thursday? I think I can just die alr. [edit] I just went to the fb blog, we do have extra training on Tuesday. I love my life man.[/edit] Need to be superwoman on Monday and get my PI 3rd draft back from lum to edit (after floorball match zz) and hand in the final PI on Tuesday. It's May now, and about 2 weeks to chem test. Have been drawing all the VSEPR shits until the edge of insanity. Anyway, I draw ugly diagrams. Zzz.. I'm drowning in all my work. Is it just me? |
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