Let me dream.

Saturday, March 28, 2009

I don't understand why are some people so fucked up.
I don't understand why these people like to act like they knw alot and start to be like they are your 10-years friend or something.
I don't knw why there are so many fucked up people in my path everyday that I feel that life sucks.
I really really don't knw why people always like to try and justify all the atrocious things they do and try to make it look and sound good.
And I don't knw why every little fucking thing I do is always deemed as a misdeed or some crime in others' eyes.

All I want to say is that, the essence of it all, is the same. You see that? The. Same.
So stop trying to justify it all with 'just' and 'only'. Because that is all it takes to make it equivalent, or worse off.

It's all really inexplicable. It makes life suck.

Life actually doesn't, school does.

I don't understand why do I have to be forced to stay in school for another 2 hours when my lessons end at 11am on Fridays. Why can't I just get out?

Sometimes I really want to throw away all the stupid social awareness stuffs I've been learning and just give some people who deserve it a good lashing. A blog should be what a blog is used for. Urgh. I am so suffocating under all the unseen pressures.

Yeah, I want to give up my life now. Throw away all the unpleasant things, and all my doubts and unhappiness. I only want what makes me happy.

Sad to say, that's hardly likely to happen.

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Life sucks

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Feeling so sick of life, I don't knw what to look forward to everyday.
As if life haven't given me enough lemons, and as if I haven't made enough lemon juice out of it enough for the rest of my life.

Why does life suck so much?
Man, someone should just give me a good answer to this and shut me up for good. And if all you're gna tell me is that life is great and blahblah, I'll tell you to go eat shit and die. Because apparently, that is not the case.

I am not enjoying whatever it is. And I am not even tryna be pessimistic about it.
Life just sucks. In your face.

Because it doesn't even matter how hard you try.

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Tired.

Friday, March 20, 2009

Hello world, I feel like blogging now because my strength of mind is not suitable for any other academic-related work.

Anyhow, after talking with Jaslin about being optimistic and posting non-depressing posts, I have decided to stop putting off blogging about my relatively-happy past week and just do a little bit of backtracking now.

Lala. So, first was celebrating my dear girlf WONG YIJUN's Sweet Sixteen on 16th March, one day after her birthday at Marina Square. Taylin, Irene and I met at Plaza Sing in the morning to buy her present and card first. Then we went to buy her cake at Breadtalk and went to Jack's Place to await her arrival.

Had our full share of food and gossips! LOL miss gossiping with them man. And we kept laughing at the manager who wouldn't stop glaring at us for nuts. Anyway the meal was enjoyable and we caught up quite abit.

For pictures!

Birthday girl cutting cake!

My dear girlfs and Irene the disciple lol. <3!>

Yijun and her big doggy soft toy from us! (Plus Lin & Irene acting unglam lol)

Anyway the day didn't end pleasantly because my mum called and summoned me home saying that I left a big pile of dishes not washed. And she wanted me to go home right away. So was forced to leave much earlierthan planned. I reached home in the next hour to find 3 bowls and 1 spoon to wash.... Speechless man.

Ohwell that's about it. Next day 17th March was anti-homework day out with fp! :D Decided not to do homework for a day because both of us were so sick of it already. Went to Causeway Point to catch the movie Coming Soon. Before that, had Pizza Hut for lunch! Omg, cheese spammage! That meal totally rocks man. And then we tried to do funny things with the cheese and chilli flakes. Haha I like playing with my food lololol.

Then went for the 305 pm show. Haha, it was damn funny because we felt it was kind of scary and kind of regretted it? (Lol, understatement of the year) I didn't feel too freaked out in the movie but I found some parts really funny when the ghost was tryna scare/haunt the male lead. Needless to say, fp was freaked out at my sadistic tendencies instead. Haha.

Then walked around before heading to JP and bought each of us a new handphone pouch from Wallet Shop because both of ours were falling apart. Hoho, love my new pouch! Am waiting for the apple strap ..

Wednesday, 18th March was RVFBT's friendly match against NJC. I met fp for lunch before meeting the rest of the team at JE platform to go off to Tampines Sports Hall together. Well, that's where the match is held, at the other end of Singapore ._.

The match was... I don't knw what to say man. At the start it's like I was completely out of the situation and couldn't really touch the ball a few times -.- But good game though we only played for less than an hour before the hyper-efficient people helpers at the sports hall started to take away the boards. Anyway, the courts cost a bomb to book, and blahblah -censored- (Social Awareness in action).

The match ended a bit pass 6pm, lagged around Tampines Mall with Yeejin while the rest of the team went to eat dinner and then watch Stella at her training. Aww pity I didn't get to watch, must have been an eye-opener to see your coach in training! And we saw Stella's twin. Hahahaha the reactions of Yeejin and Wenyi was as if they saw a ghost. But they really look very very alike!

RVFBT! :D

Took MRT from Tampines back to Boonlay, took eons to reach home. Jin and I were chatting all the way back home haha. Found that we have many things in common and still do. 10 years friends liao, not easy to come by man.

Okay lastly, for today! Such a killer and terrible day. Reached school at 7.45am for floorball PT. Only a few people were there. Then Shiyuan dropped the bomb.. Warm-up for PT: 12 rounds outer lane under 30 minutes. And I totally....wtf. But anyway, I didn't meet the time limit! Nobody did haha. I did it in 35 minutes, so-so la. I'm just wondering whether next PT session we'll need to run 14 rounds -.-

Following that was a series of anaerobic exercises but at least less tiring than the last time. After that got 3 hours break where we went to Anchorpoint for bubble tea and lunch. Jaslin, Beishan and I were damn engrossed in talking about Saw and Scary Movie lol. So fun (: But had to go back to school soon after to set up the court for the friendly match against Katong Convent later in the day. Had to carry benches from the canteen to act as boards for the hall omg aching everywhere.

The game was so hiong and blah. I'm tired don't want to say liao. But girls you did well, let's all jiayou together!

Haha so tired tonight and this was a long and happy post. LOL tried to forget the existence of homework which i haven't touched.
Good night!

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Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Life's been giving me quite some lemons lately.

I guess I'm not supposed to be here at this time, but after a day out with my girlfriends gossiping and stuffing ourselves, and a little bit more of blog surfing after I come back, I have something I am dying to say.

But ohwell, in case I offend people, or whatever, I have decided against it. Anyhow, I really don't knw why would someone who doesn't knw me (in the very least bit) want to express her thoughts and feelings about me aloud to her company.. And anyway, I have nothing (in the very least bit) against her, so.. I don't knw what's wrong with her.

Like seriously, what are RVians coming to nowadays? I think many are so darn deprived from 'life's simple pleasures' they find retarded things very funny. Oh for goodness sake, get yourself a treat from Mr Bean la. Anyway, I find myself kind of deprived too, and I'm getting sick of life. I have lots of rantings, but I think that if I start now, I'll never stop. And I think you people are sick of my incessant rants too, just like I am with myself.

Incoherent rantings. Anyway the holidays, oh -slaps myself- I mean study break, is left with 6 days or so, and I wonder how am I going to finish all that truckloads of work. Somehow, maybe, if I try hard enough, I might open my eyes and find myself Superwoman/Ultra Brainiac one fine morning and finish everyth in about, 5 minutes.

Yeah, right.

Life has made me so disgustingly passive. And I've learnt that if I can't make something right, I just let it go and go along with it. No point feeling miserable over what I can't change. Urgh irritating. But whatever, I'm going to go and sleep now and wake up to movies + shopping tmr. Oh yeah, it's going to be a better day.

I'll post about celebrating Yijun's Sweet Sixteen probably, tmr or some time when I'm feeling in a less passive/sleepy mood.

Good night world.

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Changes.

Saturday, March 14, 2009

I dislike changes.

There seems to be many changes happening around me these days, but I feel like I am resisting them, even if I don't mean to do so.

The two new MRT stations Pioneer and Joo Koon have already opened and are in operation for awhile now, and even though 179 passes by Pioneer MRT station, I am still one of the very few who ride on to Boonlay instead. It makes me wonder if one day I'll be the only one left on the bus after it stops by Pioneer MRT station.

From tmr onwards, the route for 242 will be changed. It will no longer loop around my street, but will instead loop at street 71, which actually means that I wouldn't be able to take 242 at my convenience anymore. The new service that will be in place of 242's route will be 241, but it will make a turn for Pioneer MRT station first before going to Boonlay interchange. Sounds like 179, which means I'm gna have alot of contact with 241 in the future.

I don't knw why, but it's starting to make me feel like all the things I had known for so long are becoming stranger and stranger to me. Changes are inevitable in life, but sometimes the transition period can be really unbearable. Like change of classes and CCAs.. It takes time to adapt. I've been going through alot of such changes lately, and might I say I am still not used to the whole getting-used-to-it stuff. It's bothering me.

I sort of think I'm gna be left behind by time if I continue to resist change, but I'm not just the kind who is able to adapt instantly. So many things have come and gone, and now I think of who or what I have left that had stayed unchanged, and had survived the test of time.

----

I dislike it when I try so hard, but I just can't do something right, or well enough.

I dislike it when people criticise me when they haven't even taken a good look of what I really am. I dislike pre-judgements, because you don't really knw, do you?

I have to say I tried my best at that training, and I thought I was on pretty good form too. But all I got, all we got, were just a bunch of hurtful criticisms.

I try my best, every training, every PT session. Even when I feel like my legs are gna crumble beneath me any moment, even though I can feel my lunch making its way up my throat, even though all I really wna do is just lie down and sleep for a long long time. I still push myself to go on, to numb the discomfort, and to try my best. Even if I really really hate it, and I grumble and I whine, I still do it to what I can.

I knw that we are on different levels, but all I felt was demoralised after knwing it all. I knw there might be some problems here and there, but it wasn't just the harsh choice of words that totally made me feel like I'm worthless. Maybe it was how you think I don't have what it takes to be a good player. Some things takes time, you can't expect us to be at that level right at the start. It's been hardly 4 months for me. It isn't easy to be running 10 rounds at the outer lane and following a series of sprints and drills. I'm trying, so would you give me some time and cut me some slack in the time being, I'm trying.

After everyth, I feel like it all came to nothing. And then I start thinking if everyth is just meant to be, that I am fated to be outshined and live in the shadow of others, and I'm just not good at anyth that matters at all.

Sometimes I just don't knw what I'm working for, who I wna be, where I wna go. After everyth, where am I gna end up at.. I feel lost.

Life sucks.

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Random

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Oh yeah, I am finally here to update because I realised there isn't much homework to be done this weekend (or is there?) and I have decided to reward myself for being a good girl and finishing almost everyth with the exception of math. Ah, just let me run away.

So, about the week. Actually I figured to not talk about it since it's mostly about getting back papers which I basically screwed everyth up. Great start, I knw. Anyway, this post shall be very random and unorganised and I will post about anyth that comes into my mind without any chronological order. It gets tiring to be too organised sometimes.

Ohwell. Yesterday was double gym session, one right at the first lesson for PE, and the other right at the end for floorball. Which explains the aches and sores I have everywhere now. Floorball had hiong PT yesterday, and everyone (except the forever sane Shiyuan) went kuku after that. Jumpshots, boob-touching (o.o) and etc. Haha! Floorball girls are love! :D Erm, minus the fact that Seow Wenyi and Woo Yueting almost raped me down in front of everyone else. LOL.

Ah yes, before that I went out to Anchorpoint KFC for lunch when I met woman and mad friend. I was queueing in line for the washing basin, but woman in front of me was taking so darn long to wash her hands. I shot a look at fp and resumed my wait. She proceeded to picking her nails, running her hands under the water, then putting them under the hand dryer.

By then a queue of at least 5 people had formed behind her. Apparently oblivious to this, she carried on to picked her nails when I was so tempted to tell her to use a serviette to dry her hands and pick her nails at home instead. I shot another look at fp. And finally the woman was done. Without even acknowledging any of the people's presence, no apology for making us wait in line, she walked away.

Then when I returned to the table, I complained 'That woman took like forever!" And surprise surprise! Guess where the woman sits?
Behind me.

Before I knrew it, mad friend shouted "You got problem is it!" Which I very conveniently (and goddamnit very graciously) chose to pretend like I didn't hear anyth. Then mad friend proceeded to explain my looks at fp while I was waiting in line. All along, woman did not say anyth while mad friend rattled on.

"You never see ah, she was staring at you just now la..."
"She was talking about you what..."
"Kids nowadays are really..."

Eh woman, you adult? Real adults don't shout out "You got problem is it!" at public places I would suppose. And consider me well educated enough to not dump my cup of Root Beer on your smug (and not very pretty) face. No I don't have a problem, maybe your friend should practice some social awareness and not take her own sweet time picking her nails when there are so many people waiting for the damn princess to be done.

In your face! Okay whatever, let's be civilised now.

So, I was feeling pissed at something my mother said last night, when I came online to get myself more pissed to find that my history essay was due today morning at 10am. The initial deadline was on Monday morning, so naturally I did not start redoing it in the week since I was busy with other homework. And now my teacher drops the bomb and say that it's due in about 12 hours' time from then.

I chose to go to sleep since I was dying afer floorball PT. Which was why even though there wasn't training this morning, I woke up at 6am to finish up the damned essay. But I did, somehow and sent it out by 9am. And met the deadline. Which caused me to feel very sian about doing work for the rest of the day because I've been history-ing the whole morning. Urgh.

Oh yeah, watching U17 floorball 3 on 3 tmr. Good luck to my teammates! :D

Now for the photos:

Shadows in the sunset (:

Then we tried doing jumpshots and see Wenyi is always the opposite from the rest of us:

Wenyi in the air!

Now she's on the ground. Haha I like this photo.

Okay tata people.
Till next time.

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Sinyee. 17.
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Wants a day of extensive retail therapy, good food and fun.

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