Let me dream.

Unimportant, non-existent.

Monday, February 16, 2009

Hello people. Since I don't really have much homework to hand in tmr, I decided to come and post..

I've just questioned the importance of myself to the people around me these days. And what do I have to say? I found that I'm atually quite dispensable and unimportant really. I don't knw whether is it just me, or that when I pass people by in school, and I actually make an effort to smile or wave, said person would completely ignore me either by staring blankly at me before turning away, or just conveniently look at the floor, the ceiling, everywhere else but me?

I really don't knw man, so I dismissed it as myself being overly sensitive. Then came V'day. I think I have been quite stupid spending 30-40 bucks on my friends, and leaving less than 15 bucks on Acer. People who knw me should knw I am never too financially inclined. I feel like some rejected retard because apparently not many people remembered my existence, and I regret having spent so much and not leaving more for those that actually really matter and bother about me.

Our plans are always rearranged because somehow I don't have the means to afford whatever things we've planned. And might I say, it doesn't involve all the money I actually spent.

I might not be fair for saying this. I knw V'day isn't about getting back what you've given. But I just wanted to feel that little bit more appreciated for what little things I have done. I just wanted to let my friends knw that I have not forgotten about them, that I still care even if i have a relationship taking up much of my time normally. But looks like I was just being stupid because it's the other way round instead.

I knw I am not the best friend around. I knw I have the temperament now and then that everyone hates getting in the way of. But I try. And I really do. Even if you don't believe me, I do.

I just realised that nobody really needs me sticking around anymore, that it's okay if I'm there, and okay too even when I'm not. But somehow I don't knw why my existence have to be totally forgotten by so many.

So what's the problem with now? You? Me?
I don't knw man. I have just figured I got enough of people who stare blankly, then go on to talk and laugh happily with my friend right beside me. Like I'm not there. Like I'm invisible. Like you have to make it so freaking darn obvious that you I mean nothing to you.

Hello, I just want to clarify something. I am not a sidekick. Like me or not, you don't have to pretend like you can't see me.

Stop telling me to change, because no one out here is really worth me changing anyth about myself, if you don't knw how to appreciate me. People who appreciate me will accept me for everyth that I am, good or bad day, and not expect me to become something that you accept. Don't like it? It's okay.

Hey you, you and everyone else who made me miserable this V'day. Thanks for letting me knw I mean a big, fat nothing to you. Thanks for showing me that I actually have superpowers that allows you to see right through me. Thanks for teling me very blatantly that I am not the one you're looking for to share whatever you have. Thanks for nothing people.

Laugh all you want.
It's okay.

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Sinyee. 17.
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Wants a day of extensive retail therapy, good food and fun.

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