Let me dream.

Hopeless. Useless.

Saturday, January 10, 2009

The last two days of my freedom left, and then it's back to school again.

Went out with Josephine today. Talked about our new class 5N. Somehow the prospects of me making new friends just seem very slim. I shall just learn to 安分守己 and not take up too much, or any, committments which might distract me from my studies.

Studies shall come first and I shall learn how to put things down.

Next few days are all out with people. And my mum's been exploiting me with the house chores alot too. Though I am quite sian of going all around, especially to JP but well. Better than staying home I suppose. Tmr to Vivo with Sharm then JP again on Sunday with juniors. I haven't seen them for such a long long time.

Stood in the queue for the replacement of adult EZ-link cards today at the ticket office at boonlay. I stood from 5pm till 6pm, one whole hour in my new shoes and my feet kind of felt like they are going to detach from my body soon ._. I hope I don't become crippled again tmr.

Have been thinking about a few things recently. What with all the responsibilities, workload, committments and such. I don't want to miss any opportunity given to me, but I don't want to let it affect me or my studies either. So I must still give in to my studies. Year 5 will not be easy to pass, and even more so for me because I've got so much catching up to do.

Sometimes it just really makes me feel damn incompetent thinking back on the first two years in my RV life. All the participation in various events and exchange programmes. And then it toned down when I entered year 3 and then eventually none at all now. I think I am losing everyth. But I have no one to blame because I think I am no longer capable anymore.

I can't keep myself alive with my own school work, I have no right to ask for extra credit with the committments and responsibilities to take. It's too late somehow. I've been thinking about this, and I guess maybe it is really time to put it down after so long. It's for the better and I believe it will do me good.

And so, I have put much thought into my CCA as I promised I would figure things out this year. Somehow, I think I have a conclusion. And I hope that the people I care and respect enough to ask about their opinions will support my decision. I want to find that rigour and passion I have for table tennis back into this whole new CCA. Hopefully it will come back and I can do well for it, whichever it is going to end up to be.

Thinking and reflections about so many things, but never blogging them down in words. Maybe because they are too complicating, or that I am just lazy to. But I got to remind myself of what I really want or to be so I will not lose myself along the way. For once I need to remember all that I set out to be.

Hopefully this year would not be that hard to cope.

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Sinyee. 17.
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