Let me dream.

2008 Yearender

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

So finally, the last day of the year had rolled around. In less than 2 hours, it's going to be a whole new year, with supposedly new hopes and all. While everyone is most likely out now having fun and waiting to countdown and usher in the new year, I am stuck here again. As always.

Well summarising 2008 in this post, looking back on the past year, and maybe some reflections.. New hopes for the year ahead? I dare not say, because I recall the hopes I held for 2008 this time last year, and it has been a terrible disappointment. Haha.

2008: Of setbacks, falling down, helpless days. Of learning, and seeing.

Academically, a bad year. Recalling the start of 2008, I had new hopes. Lots of resolutions, determination to make it a good year. But somehow, things didn't start right. The new school term had been disastrous. Coupled with the stress from the tournament period, increase of training sessions, I lost that resolve along the way. I found myself devoting too much time and effort to trainings, I didn't have the energy to stay awake in classes. As a result, I flunked the term. Though things picked up during mid-years, it was too late and I stayed there without moving on.

I think I owe alot to Mr Tan CY. We were more like friends than teacher and student. He'd said I depended too much on him, and I probably would agree. Many times he'd pushed me on, but lost the effect because I couldn't pick myself up. I knw I had disappointed him alot with my results. And that's why I am obliged to make next year better.

In terms of CCA, a bad year too. Because of all the stress from my results and tournament, I was forced to withdraw from the nationals' team. At times I wondered why I even worked so hard for, because the chance was still taken away in the end. I lost heart and then I left. Just like this. 2008, my 7th, and last year in Table Tennis.

Since starting out in P4, I'd been through so much for this. So many times I wanted to give up, but somehow I held on. And we left, just like this. No farewell, no nothing. Like we don't matter, like everyth is just, well..nothing. Regrets I've had a few but never had the chance to express it. I think Zhijun knws how I feel, I think we feel the same. I don't really accept that we are no longer a part of RVTT anymore. This is surreal and I hate soccer.

Just like this. Everyth ended, so quickly and easily. I need to figure out what I really want. I hate soccer man, I don't even knw why I even landed myself in there in the first place. It's not a sport I enjoy, at least not with a bunch of guys. Every training session I'll be considering to pon, and I don't like the feeling of this. Working hard for CCA is a good feeling. It's good to knw that I am working hard for something, a goal or whatever. But I don't find that kind of passion in soccer. I might need to think what I really want about this.

Overall, 2008 had been a bad year, because I saw through too much. I learnt too much. I've seen the same things happening to me over and over again, until I get too sick of complaining. 2008, I've gained and lost. These bad things happen for all the same reasons, until I don't knw who to believe anymore. These disappointments put me down again and again. Until I've been numbed and decided to put on that facade too. I wished things didn't have to be like this all the time..

Well, enough of those. On a better note. 2008, I grew closer with my bunch of juniors. Taylin, Yijun, Irene and Jean. Those who've been with me mostly through all the difficult and bad times. Those who've listened to me bitch incessantly when I'm not feeling good. Those who bitch along with me, who don't give me fake assurances. Who let me be who I want to be. No lies, no fakery.

Of course, others I must credit too. Sharman who've mugged with me through all those exams, and we went crazy together. The one who shares with me my troubles and all the shit things happening in our lives. The friend who is truest, and which friendship will go on a long time. For all these things, I knw I'm not alone.

Of course, some others, I will thank you personally. Ahaha.

Now for my
2009: Of working hard, new hopes, new dreams.

This year, I fell hard. I knw my next two years in RV is going to be difficult to survive. I knw that with my consistence I am not going to make it too far. I need change. I need to take on a different studying approach. I need to handle my committments properly so that I will neglect neither. This is no easy task, but I hope I will not lose myself along the way again.

New hopes, new dreams. The dream that died this year shall be resurrected the next. If I am able to, I will. I am going to start believing in alot of things which I had been skeptical to in the past. I need to start listening and thinking in a different way. I need change.

Well, I have high hopes for the year ahead. And I guess I will not give my dream up without a good fight. I shall have no regrets. Do things the right way.

So there, 2009 is in 45 minutes.
Happy New Year people.

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