Let me dream.

4 days. Closer and closer (:

Sunday, November 30, 2008

Alrights, I'm supposed to sleep by 1230am tonight and that's in 15 minutes. Slept much too late for the past few nights and felt really tired when I woke up. And so, I have to sleep earlier tonight, it's a promise. Lol..

Today was pretty crazy. I woke up at 1030am and moved on to clear out my mother's cupboards where she stores her empty containers and blah. It was pretty okay, I sorted stuffs out and made alot of space, sometimes I wonder how I do it. Haha. My mother was impressed as well :D

With that done, I moved on to the bigger cupboard with all the pots and pans. I was just pulling those things out and minding my own business when I saw a pair of disgusting twitching feelers. Uh yeah, guess what, a cockroach. Eww. After spraying insecticide at it (which didn't work) I sat down on the kitchen floor staring up at the gross little thing, which is now on the ceiling of the cupboard, and I wondered what to do ._.

I got my elder brother, who charged at it with a broom and dustpan, after he got it onto the kitchen floor, he started crazily whacking the disgusting thing with the broom. Hahaha. My powerful brother LOLL.. Anyhow, it died a terrible death. Then while wiping all the things in the cupboard thoroughly and changing the wallpaper in the cupboard, I discovered something pretty sick.

Have you seen a cockroach's egg case? That brown little shit-looking thing that I learnt of in my primary 4 science textbook or something. I didn't knw how it really looks like until today, and it's freaking disgusting. I had to like, peel that thing off whatever it was on and.. Aiya, don't elaborate already, grossing myself out. In conclusion, my cupboards lack maintenance and they are a gross place. But I shouldn't deny that the battles with the poor cockroach and likewise, a few spiders (daddy-long-legs) made the job much more thrilling than it should be. Haha.

And, I wonder whether I'll poison my family, spraying insecticide in the cupboard. Though I did wipe it down, but.. Aiya too late for regrets -crosses fingers-

Something worth mentioning? I didn't knw daddy-long-legs were so...fragile. I whacked at one with my wiping cloth and it was crushed completely. Legs and body apart. Not to mention the few legs having like, spasms or something moments after separation. And the spider body curled up and died miserably in one corner which was later washed away when I scrubbed my kitchen floor.

Ohwell enough vivid (and disgusting) descriptions.

I went out to the frontier library today to return a book which date due was today. I'm pretty lucky I found a few good books which I'd been looking for quite a long time. Alright, that's all to my day. I'm happy because I got two texts today hoho. Okay, random.

Just nice, 1230am. I've got laundry, then off to bed. Sorry Yunyi, no story today.
Tmr's day out with my mother again in search of my new pair of shoes (:

4 days. Closer and closer (:

Oh right, before I forget. Hope the people going overseas tmr enjoy themselves. Though they wouldn't be able to see it. Bon voyage to Taylin and Yijun going to China for training, and Shaun the Owl ~~Slave~~ Subject going off to Sydney (and getting me a queenly/owlly pendant =p). Enjoy yourselves you people! (:

Goodnight people.

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5 days.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Ahwell, nothing much about today. Went out with juniors in the morning to have lunch at Vivo. We ate at Superdog as recommended by Taylin. Then there was the case of the mistaken order as the attendant thought Taylin said Chicken Burger when she said Chicken Ripper. And I swear that guy's facial expressions are damn classic. LOL.

Walked abit with them around Vivo. I left for Bugis at 1.30pm to meet Peiqi and Shaun. Headed to National Library but didn't stay for long because the silence there is about to drive me crazy. Then we went to do something stupidly fun. Take the lift at the National Library, press 14th storey (highest level) and go all the way up. And then, press B1 and zoom all the way down. Like I said, it's stupidly fun so I didn't want to do it again.

Had another meal at Pastamania. Shaun's treat. And we did a wonderful concoction there with Peiqi's chocolate mousse cup. Something wonderfully childish but quite fun lol =x Okay I shouldn't say what. We just had fun. but I think Pastamania lost a dessert cup haha :D Walked around Bugis trying to find a pair of not-so-expensive earphones for Shaun. Couldn't really find any within his price range. So we took the MRT and headed to JE.

Well he did buy something there, after which he complained that the sound quality sucks so much he rather use his half-functional earphones than this. Haha, what do you expect for something that costs 10 bucks compared to something that costs 30 over la. So, being nice, I waived the 3 bucks that the poor guy owed me. Hahaha.

Okay. I have nothing to say alr. Tmr is a day to stay home and be like a good girl and clear out my mother's stuffs for her. Zzz, I hope I get paid, LOL.

Back to the waiting, was getting a little impatient tonight because nobody was keeping me entertained. Felt like it was forever before it finally came. But well, it came afterall. As short as always but as long as it can be already. Nah, it's alright. I knw you care.
5 days. Surviving it anyhow.

Good night you people. Whoever's still here.

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6 days.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Today was a pretty alright day. Woke up early, at 8.30am to prepare some stuffs before heading out to meet the bunch at Harbourfront MRT station for the Sentosa outing. I was on time, and Elijah, Junhao and Yufan were already there waiting. Went to have lunch, though I only watched. Then Sylvia came and had her lunch. Went to Sentosa to wait for Spencer.

Actually I didn't do much there. Basically, we didn't have many people and only a small soccer ball provided by Spencer. So Sylvia, Junhao, Elijah and Yufan started to play bridge there which I also have no idea how to play. So I stoned there until they told me to join in the truth or dare game.

Haha nothing much, it was quite funny sometimes. I was made to do a truth once and Elijah asked a funny question, and I gave a funny answer haha :D But then Peiqi called and asked me out to walkwalk at Vivo. Okay, I called her out. And Shaun too. Haha. So I left earlier and went to take the monorail back to Vivo. Went random walking with them, going mad wrestling with Shaun using soft toys in Toys 'R Us and lagging at macs, Shaun treated me the new Mcflurry :D Had quite a good time chatting with them and asking them about JC lifestyle and talking about other lame things as well.

Going to have lunch with Yijun, Taylin and Irene tmr at Vivo before going to Bugis to meet Shaun and Peiqi again! Going to the national library, with a mission! :D LOL.

Alrights anyway, I have to credit the both of them (Peiqi&Shaun) for entertaining me for today and tmr likewise. They were nice enough to accompany me so I wouldn't have to be bored and stone alone at home (: And best of all, they gave me something better to do in my free time! Whee, I love it haha. It's really great (:

Looking forward to tmr. Oh and subject combination is out as well. I got my first choice which is Chem, Econs, Math and H1 History. And I found out that the amount of people who took H1 History is like 3 in the level. And these three people happen to have the exact same combination as well. Want to knw who?

Sharman, me and Sweecheng! Some coincidence haha. Hope we'll end up in the same class again, at least whatever happens, we'll stick together. A crazy amount of people got PCME, but that's common. If I am eligible to I would take that as well. So yep.

Now things don't seem to be such a painful wait anymore. 'Wait in joy'. Haha. I knw, and I'll make the most of this. Thank you people who tried to make things better.

6 days.

Anyways, to my 9 years long friend,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY YEEJIN! (:

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7 days.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Alright, I think I have finally sorted out my really messed up thoughts awhile ago. Thanks to a couple people, Taylin and Yunyi. (See your big name here, tsktsk)

Yeah, I knw what to do. And I feel alot better after writing like a whole page long in my foolscap pad, for nothing. Now the plan for the next week is to go out with people / help my mother with chores / stay home and study. And make myself busy so I wouldn't stop.

It's alright, I knw it will be over soon. It's no big deal, though it seems like a huge one to me. No more sleepless nights because I'm not thinking about anyth but to go and hug my shirt and sleep. Haha I sound so distraught and so stupid. But you people don't knw.

Sleep early. I haven't really been keeping to my sleep-by-1am thing promise =x And so I shall try. Ohwell. Tmr's day out at Sentosa with some 4H people. Hope it will be really fun, looking forward (: For now, laundry and sleep.

7 days. A week.

Anyway, though you 99.9% wouldn't see this,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY KENNY (:

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Bleeding Love.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

-The below post is just an entry to try and figure out my messed up thoughts-

I have no idea why I did what I did.

Just thinking about what Yeejin said yesterday. It's not like there is any difference when they're still here. Everyday's still everyday. So now when they've gone, why are we like this? Yeah, why? I wished I knew. Boredom is one thing, missing someone is another. I'm sorry, I knw I'm not supposed to do this but, I can't help myself feeling pathetic.

I've never really felt this way. Never really felt this stark emotion so terribly. And I hate this. The time that seems to crawl past ever so slowly. The nights when I'm kept awake and my thought hovers where I don't want to go. Everyday I wish something takes up my time, or an entire day so I'll be occupied. So I wouldn't stop. Wouldn't stop to think. I try so hard but I still end up where I am trying to get away from at the end of the day.

Everyday. Every single day I'll be planning to do something tmr, something, anyth. To stop myself having too much free time at hand and eventually going crazy with all these thoughts. This just isn't enough. Maybe I'm asking for too much. But I only have a letter and a text everyday. And I wait till close to midnight for that one text, but it isn't enough. I knw, I knw. It's the maximum to give but it's still so...short.

I knw I should learn to be contented and feel much more fortunate already. Somehow, it just makes me feel worse. I don't knw why I was so overwhelmed by this emotion. I just hope time flies.

8 days.

Sorry. Just ignore this. I'm just really going crazy already. Me and my thoughts.
Goodbye.

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8 days.

I wish I had something more interesting to talk about or do to stop myself going crazy.

I hate this kind of life, mundane and absolutely meaningless. I wished I had something better to do. Like get myself into my books, or something. Anyth. Why can't time pass as fast as they do when I'm mugging for my physics, or history. Why can't I occupy myself in a more productive way?

Like who cares if I woke up at 2pm today, or if I lagged around my house until Yeejin texted me and asked me out to JP for a spin? Who cares if I have absolutely nothing to do but self-entertain? Who cares if I almost sprained my ankle yesterday just bringing the stupid laundry in because of my wet kitchen floor? Yeah, like who cares. This life just sucks right down to the core.

I hate what you said, what you deemed I cannot do. I knw I can if I want to, you just wait and see. What I am now is not what I can be. I can't help it if you don't want to believe, but I'm trying. Can't you see this? It doesn't even matter to me how far I go, it doesn't even matter to me. But why are you sealing my fate right now and passing the judgement when there's still so long to go? Y'knw this, we'll just wait and see.. I'll show you that you, were so wrong, about me.

I just realised before going to sleep last night that this isn't enough. I can't complain because this is all I can get, but it just isn't enough after waiting for so long everyday. I'm sorry, I knw you want to tell me more but you're restricted. And I'm sorry I can't help but ask for more. Everyday, in this 24 hours, I sleep so much of it away. But the rest of my waking hours, I'm waiting. But maybe it's alright. It's worth it. It's alright. I knw it is. I should just feel contented on my part that I can still tell you more.

I should feel happier. More fortunate. I should..

This life sucks. But I guess, I'll live through it somehow. And maybe learn something out of it or do something productive at the end of the day. I just found out that I'll be going to Genting with my parents and some relatives in December 11th to 13th. Which isn't good. Ohwell. Like who cares right. Everyone is either offline already at this time or not talking to me. And I feel that I'm on the edge of insanity.

Unorganised and random as always. Good night people. I'll just learn to sleep earlier and another day will be over. And tmr, a whole new cycle starts again..
8 days will be over soon, I shall believe.

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9 days.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Ohwell, I've decided to continue with my boring-everyday-happenings posting. Ohmygod, I swear this kind of slow-passing days just suck. I didn't get up exactly early today, no point to anyways, I'll just bore my brains out.

Woke up and helped my mother with her chores. Mission for the day was to clear out my fridge and make space in it. Spent about 1.5 hours, pulling things out, wiping the racks, rearranging them back in and made space! Okay, it was back-breaking work, but at least I don't feel completely useless. Earned 20 bucks from my mother just like this, is that great or what? Haha.

Then went out to the library to return my overdue book and borrowed a couple more. Couldn't really find nice books in the library today. Ended up with 5 People You Meet in Heaven (Chinese version) and another one. Saw some rather interesting books like Hitchikers' Guide To The Galaxy and The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe which Mr Wee mentioned before. But their both in Chinese which honestly, killed my interest for it.

Lagged the time away walking aimlessly around JP. I just didn't feel like going home so early to face the walls of my room again. Eventually did, half the day gone. Did the usuals and here I am.

I still have tmr to pass as another boring day. And Wednesday I'll be going out with my mother so I can't go bowling with the rest. If there are no changes, I'll still be going to Sentosa with them on Thursday. And Friday will be my lunch with juniors. Great. I'm gna jampack my schedule so I wouldn't feel so darn bored out.

This is so irritating. I'm really bored so there on my MSN conversation windows, some funny topics starts popping out.
Josephine says: Let's pretend JIAT PENG is a new vulgarity and a new meaning too. Hmm..
I say: HAHAHA.

Chienying says: How do you define 'I'? In a physical sense or a mental sense?
I say: What if I'm not much of both?

Shaun says: I changed my phone from nokia nokia nokia motorola motorola motorola blahblah...
I say: I change phone every 2 years. You ass.

Yunyi says: Or go do charity earn CIP hours.
I say: I'm not quite that charitable.

Moral of the story? I'm just freaking bored.

I have decided to sleep in till really late so that half the day will be gone. I'll study abit if I have the mood, or else it's stoning again. Urgh. I really want to hibernate these days away.

I should really sleep early and another day's down.
9 days. How do I survive with only one letter and one text a day.

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10 more days.

Monday, November 24, 2008

I have decided to just update more to kill time instead of bore myself to death. Today was pretty wasted and unproductive. Well, it's the holidays after all.

Woke up really early today, like 5am. Called FP. After hanging up I kept drifting in and out of sleep and lagged replies because I felt so tired.. After the prolonged 4 hours or so of texting with Sharm and others, the people going for GPP Beijing finally left and boarded the plane at around 9.15am.

I fell back to sleep and didn't wake up till 2.20pm. Had my late brunch and lagged in my room alot. Just read my book and remembered that one is already overdue. Maybe I'll make a trip to the library tmr after doing the chores my mother told me to.

Might be going for bowling and Sentosa on Wednesday and Thursday with the people who are leftover and didn't go for any GPP trips. According to MJH, it's both of us and Sylvia, Elijah, Yufan. Though I don't actually knw how to bowl nor have the funds for the game. Shall see how it goes..

Well, Sylvia, Yufan and I actually already went for our STEP GPP in June this year, so now we're stuck here while everyone else is somewhere having fun =/ Urgh, I'm feeling so bored. Even when I came online I find the amount of people online in my MSN contact list like reduced to half of the normal number. Freaking pathetic.

So tmr, is another whole new and boring day. I hope I get done with the chores quickly and go to the library before I kill myself with boredom and go crazy. There are many things I said I will do but now I don't really feel like doing anyth but sleep these days away and wait for everyone to be back ._. Like studying? though I'm done with the clearing up with my books and worksheets but I think I've lost the motivation to do it anymore. Maybe I'll get started soon.

I feel so lazy this holidays. Urgh. Need to do something, I need to do something! This feeling of boredom is unbearable. I need to do something!

Something. Something.. What?! Urgh. I think I need a job. But am too lazy to do it. I think... I think I need to shut up and go find something to do. Maybe I'll force myself to study tmr. I don't knw.. I wish time flew. I need to do something! Save me please, somebody.

[edit] Alright. I have found something to work on. I hope it will keep me busy and have a good outcome in the end. Goodnight, whoever is still online. [/edit]
I wished this 10 more days would be over in a flash. Or I wish I can just sleep it away.

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I Miss You.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Haven't updated for a long time. Didn't really feel like it. But since I'm pretty free now with nothing to do, might as well just try and keep this dead blog alive. And sorry people I haven't been replying the tags too. Yeah, been too lazy to do so..

Replies to tags:
Peiqi> LOL, no need big one ma. Thanks alot le, though this is really abit late =p

Lau> Yep, thanks. You jiayou too (:

Yuhong> Lol, I don't type people's names as acronyms in my blog (:

Yunyi> You're a mad ass la ._. Don't stalk me la crazy pig. And that woman so doesn't look like me okay? You dare to go post, I kick your butt in school.

ROSE:D> Haha what's with the Jackelicious? Rose want to eat Jack up? LOLL. And HAHA I like cooking games too! And sadist games of shooting knives at woman! LOL.

Xinyu> Have, you're always funny one ma lol. Yeah, 4H will be a class to miss, and so will I (:

Swee> Lol where got emo la.. Just trying to sound more poetic HAHA. You go emo in one corner la funny guy..

Ariel> Haha same sentiments, I just hope I can pull through so might start abit of catching up now. Well I don't really have much of a choice for my subject combinations and abit of dilemma here and there. I hope I didn't choose the wrong combination too =x And good luck to you as well (:

---

Well, haven't really done anyth productive since the start of holidays. Nothing really interesting either, just the usual everyday. Wake up, lag, do chores, go out, lag, use the computer, lag, sleep. Life's been pretty mundane these days. I guess, after everyone leaves to where they are supposed to go for their GPP tmr morning, it will become worse.

Hope everyone else is having fun during their GPP trips ba..

Wouldn't try backtracking all these days' worth of events. Like I said, nothing interesting. Occasionally going out, a soccer practice, class BBQ and some stuffs. Think I'm getting quite fat since I keep eating during the holidays. Maybe will go running some time since there's no one to go out with me anymore after tonight. Urgh.

Broke broke broke. I am feeling absolutely penniless these days as well. Maybe I have been going out too often, but staying home is just so boring and a waste of my life. Ohwell now I can stay home, just that I don't get money staying home.

I think I'm raving and ranting in a very unorganised manner. I think I need to calm myself down and stop feeling !^($@^&# Ahwell. Feeling really D: now..

I think I should just go to sleep.
And hope 11 days flies past.

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Curtains' finally closing..

Monday, November 10, 2008

A few days lag in posting about the last day of school for the year, but I shall do so now.

The day started off with Ms Ek's address in the hall followed by Recognition Day. Even though Taylin told me the night before that I was awarded Outstanding Chairperson, I was pretty skeptical to it since nobody informed me about it like usual years. Well, she was pretty unsure about it herself as well. So, I was still rather surprised when the emcee announced my name and I had to run down from the gallery to get the certificate..

As I was receiving the certificate from Mr Chua's hands, Mr Tan CY called out from where he was taking pictures below the stage "toh, jiayou arh!". I thought that was really nice and sweet of him and undoubtedly, this award came because of him.. I wouldn't have imagined a person at the brink of retention would be able to receive this award. Not like what Mr Tan said, it wasn't my assumption, it's because Ms Chia said it to me a year ago when I was newly appointed 3H's chairperson that results are a criteria to get the award.. Guess I owe it to Mr Tan..

Following that was a short break and then release of result slips. The whole session didn't start off plesantly. I guess what happened just placed everyone in a wrong mood till the end. I just scraped a GPA of 3.0 but I knw that is because the school did like, serious moderation so that they could pull me up. And I don't knw, after listening to Ms Chia talk about JC life out there, it's making me feel really bewildered and lost about this whole deal.

The school pulled me up this time so that I could be promoted, or advanced, whichever. But with my capabilities, I question if I can really make it through Year 5 and 6. I somehow feel not, even though promotion criteria is supposedly easy. But so many people cannot make it even in top JCs according to Ms Chia. So what makes me think that I can promote to Year 6? Nothing, exactly. Maybe it doesn't help to think so far ahead and kill my interests for the new year ahead. But I can't help it, everyth seems so intimidating to me now I really wonder why am I going on..

Then had some university admission talks by NTU and NUS. I have no idea what courses am I gna take or which direction I'll be headed. Everyone seem to knw what exactly they wna take up and what they wna do. But I have not the slightest idea. I gave up on law since early this year. Engineering is a whole new mystery to me, and same for most things. Psychology? Hmm.. Why am I thinking so far ahead when I don't even knw if I can survive the next 2 years.

Went for a talk with Ms Ek in LT1. Basically she told us about how we got pulled up to the GPA of 3.0 and what we should do during this holidays is to revise on the subjects that we are gna take up next year. Well, I kind of agree with her, since I think I really need the catching up so that I wouldn't be that fall behind when the new year starts.

This was how my last day of school ended. Last day of 4H being together as a class, having lessons, talking crap. Playing table tennis at the teachers' table, and laughing at things that don't matter. It ended weirdly, like the mood isn't really there. I don't knw why, I didn't really feel anyth at the point of leaving the classroom. But when I came back home I felt this emptiness and nostalgia as I thought about all the events that the class went through together, and those times when we fought so hard to prove to people who thought we couldn't make it.

Back in sec3 was all the tough times for 3H'07. That was when the class wasn't producing satisfactory results. When everyone looked down on us and thought we couldn't do good with ourselves or our results. And each time we tell ourselves that we will pick ourselves up and prove all of those people wrong. And I must say, 4H, we did it. We finally shown it to ourselves and everyone else how much we can do..

I remember so many things. How on the first day of school I felt that our container classroom at block S smells like a hamster cage, all the funny PDP lessons that Ms Chia has, all the slacking time during Hook's lesson. Once got punished by Gohsm to write 80 lines of a freaking long sentence.. 3H's heritage day where we got first prize for our Bola Tin games stall and first runner-up this year selling pratas and we earned hundreds everytime. All the difficult and tedious times planning for activities but mostly ended up with success.. That's when I feel all the hard work has truly paid off, and I have no regrets. Of course not forgetting our chalets where we always had so much fun.. 4H always knws how to have fun and now when to study hard.

But of course, I wouldn't try masking up all that has happened that made some relations turned sour. I wouldn't try hiding, or faking it. I guess probably every class has their fair share of conflicts now and then, it just depends on whether someone is gna admit it. I am not trying to pass this post off making people think that everyth had been perfect all along and nothing ever went against me in this 2 years in 4H. But I just hope, just very wishful hoping, that this animosity would end along with the year and with the class, that all the unhappiness could disappear.. But maybe that's asking for too much.

I feel that there had been some misunderstandings that we did not clear up, and some assumptions on our part. I regret, but regrets serve no purpose, I wna apologise, but I don't knw, I think nothing is gna work because the hurt's done. Still, I wish everyth can just end in a better note, that what I will remember of 4H will be the laughters and fun, instead of these troubles and unhappiness. I don't think I have the right to ask for anyth more, so just leave it as that.

At least I'll remember that before all these began, there was a time when I had a great friend which we did almost everyth together. Now, it seems really far away to me. I knw you knw this too, that at least those were the times everyth was real, and great and fun together. Maybe things are not like how it used to be.. But I just hope that it could end here..

Aiya actually just ignore the whole part la... I'm going too deep thinking back on all the past happenings.

I feel upset for all that has happened, and honestly, I feel rather bold for posting my feelings so raw and uncovered. Like the past, like when I wasn't afraid to say what I was thinking. Not like now, thinking again and again, afraid of everyth. Maybe this would just make things worse, but I think this is likely the only way that they will get to knw what I'm really feeling. I have not forgotten the friendship, I do not only remember the unhappy things which had happened. I long for when we can do what we used to do again, but I knw that is not possible anymore.

Since it's ending, might as well just post everyth I'm feeling. Real and whole. This is the post for me to really put it all down and let it go.

I came home feeling empty, while reminiscing on all that 4H had ben through together, I started to get nostalgic. Then slowly started to realise what I would miss in this class, and whether my next class would be half as fun as 4H. Probably not. We are forever so on and so fun-loving. Though things happen, but I wouldn't question the fact that this class had been fun to be with. I wouldn't doubt that I would miss many things of the class. I wouldn't forget..

Hapsburgers, hoping for the best for all the rest of you in the future years.

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