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Bu Wan Mei Saturday, July 26, 2008 Wei shen me na me mei hao de yi qie dou zhi shi biao mian... Wei shen me wo de mei hao zong cun zai zhe que xian... Lei le de ren, bu zhi shi ni er yi... Jaded Thursday, July 24, 2008 I suddenly feel so worn out. It's been a rough week, and I'm feeling drained. Don't knw why the sudden feeling of being overwhelmed with fatigue, I do not think I have been doing alot, or what is expected of me to feel so tired. Yet somehow, I just am. Been bugged with the common cough, occasional sneezes, headaches now and then this week. But then again, it isn't just physical fatigue. I knw I should feel happy. And I am, I really am. I haven't felt so genuinely happy for so long, and this week's been the closest I had felt to it. Yet everytime I ride high with new hopes, it has to be dashed with the same old obstacle. Over and over again. I'm trying to be immuned, trying not to waver and not be affected. But it's getting harder and harder. I'm feeling restricted, like I am not supposed to feel so happy even though I really am. I wished I hadn't trusted that things will sort itself out and went along with my heart, I wished. Every glance reminds me of the mess that I'm in. Every reminder stands as an obstacle between us. I'm trying to convince myself that I am not at fault, but it's so difficult to do so. Much as I want to believe.. Tell me what do you do, when I have to lose something, in order to gain something. And both are important, can't let either go. Stuck. It's not that I'm not happy. I just feel that I shouldn't be. Just feeling kind of jaded.. 感觉有点糟 Racial Harmony Day '08 Tuesday, July 22, 2008 Decided to come post about the great event which we've all been busy for and had ended yesterday: Racial Harmony Day 2008! Okay, so on Sunday, about 20 or so Prataburgers went to IMM Giant to purchase the foodstuffs we will need for the event on Monday. Went out in the morning to meet Xinyu, Chiouyih, Sylvia, Jianlong, Jieren, Vincent and Spencer at Little India MRT station. We went around looking for both female and male Indian costumes, bangles and stuffs like that. The first shop we went into sold the sarees at a discounted price of 15 bucks each, and since it was only our first shop, I decided to look on further before hastily buying it. The shop auntie totally challenged us that if we can find sarees that are cheaper than 15 dollars each, she would give a sari to us for free. LOL. Then we went a few shops down, and bought the sarees at 10 bucks each! Had wanted to go back to GL the auntie lol, but of course we didn't. Haha. Bought the guys' costumes as well, then looked for bangles which the shop assistant very kindly helped us to match with the colour of our sarees. Then we all left for JE and had lunch before meeting the class at IMM Giant. Basically just picked through the stuffs we needed, distributed who to bring what back and went home. Yesterday, Monday, was the big day. Was supposed to wake up at like 3.45am to cook the 60 pratas that I am in charge of. But then, I actually had the guts to turn my alarm off when it rang -.- I next woke up at 5.20am, my father called me up. And I was so stunned that I overslept so long and still have the pratas to cook! Then I rushed into the kitchen, and to my pleasant surprise, 60 pratas are nicely cooked and placed on the plates to cool. All I have to do is pack them into the aluminuim tray :D Yaye my father rocks (: Then my father drove me to school, picking up Vincent and Chentao on the way. Sharman would be late, but we could have waited because we totally reached school at like 6.10am? Freaking early please. Then waited for people to come, set up and all that. So more people reached, and we started to set up the decorations and stuffs around the table. Stayed behind with Sylvia, Sharman, Acer and Sweecheng during morning assembly to continue work. It was quite fun actually, rushing around and Mr Tan was there trying to disturb us and saying that he is our first customer, lol. And I accidentally pushed over a canteen bench onto his foot. Omg, super sorry la =x Changed into class tee, but aborted initial ideas of wearing a sari because it really hinders us when we are cooking the pratas. Chiouyih came halfway, and helped us with the set up. Soon, the people came and hell, our queue seriously never ended! So many people cutting queue ._. The people at the stall all the time was Sharman, Chiouyih, Sylvia, me and Sweecheng. We never stopped working because the orders never stopped coming. Shouted alot for the people to collect their orders until I was almost hoarse at the end of it. Many girls also helped with the facilitating of the coupons and monetary matters. Our advertisng committee did a great job too. Especially with the At the end of it, when we were cleaning up, or at least trying to, still got people come and ask if we still selling the pratas, LOL. Then some uncle totally came and exploited our oven without our permission la, so irritating please. ._. Then had to go to LT1 for some weird lecture which I was so tired, much as I try, I cannot keep awake for long. Ohwell.. Anyhow, thanks alot to the people who contributed largely to this RH day plans. Especially the committee leaders Kunhong, Mingjie, Candy, Lau, Jianlong. And even more especially all the people who stayed up late to chiong stuffs, Sylvia, Sharman, Chiouyih. And thanks Sweecheng for the motivating text a night before we were supposed to wake up early to cook the pratas (: RH Day 2008 ended with success, never mind our profits. Never mind anyth else. This was really a good experience, at least for me. To knw how important planning is and things like that. Thanks to each and everyone in 4H who have helped in your own ways, because it would never be possible if I were to shoulder it all lone. Thanks for letting me knw that I am not alone on this. And yet another good memory for 4H to keep (: Okay, I am going to sleep now. Shall blog about the E&C week events sometime when I'm free again. G'night all. Sunday, July 20, 2008 I suppose it's time I finally reply the tags that's accumulating on my tagboard. Yunyi> Lols, thanks for tagging regularly. And too bad because it's human to feel sad? Ohwell. You just get more of it from me. Yijun> LOL yeah I guess it's just so cool when I flame people ._. Yeah I want to go out too, but I'm really broke. Zzz.. Yes will miss you! Since both you and Lin will be gone almost the whole week. Urgh ): Guokai> You must be kidding me, I love LA remedial -.- And if I get any slacker, I'm gna stay a sec4 next year. Lau> Ah thanks, er, will try to.. And yes, PRATABURGS' GNA OWN :D Lin> Lol, are you out of your mind or something? You ordered 4! And you should read more chinese, buy so much prata you also can't finish alone. Later go back into Fit4Life then you die! LOLOL. Sylvia> Haha, xin ku you too le. I am no nv qiang ren, got you people help me then can de.. And rest more la, all of us are so shagged from this mad chiong-ing. Xinyu> Haha sorry la, been quite busy with all the RH Day stuffs. But here I am updating! Kailin> Yes ON! Ask Eileen and Yeejin too, someday when all 4 of us can make it. (: Sharm> LOL, I'm sure soccer trainings will do that for me eh ._. ---- So I haven't posted a proper entry for 12 days, since the last one on 8th June. Well, school's been really crazy, at least to me. Can't seem to catch up at all, and it's worrying me a bit. Not enough to perk me up during lessons though. Lacking all the energy I need to stay awake and alert, perhaps because it's back to the lack of sleep issue again. Been busy with the Racial Harmony day stuffs. Now it's in only a few days done, and even though we have done alot, it just seems like there's so much left undone. And I'm so tired.. Ohwell, hopefully PRATABURGS are gna earn lots of kaching! Haha, not revealing our amount already collected! =x Past week's been very busy packed with RH day stuffs. Like testing out of flavours the first round at Sharm's house with the help of Chiouyih and Sylvia. Our pratas are like so unexpectedly nice, I can't believe it man :D And the second round, also at Sharm's house, this time with Swee and Acer as the food testers. You should see their reactions when they try the pratas and from there you knw how nich they are! I mean the pratas, not them -.- And we always end up chatting till like 9 or 10+ and we'd get home really late. Now I'm thankful Sharm's ad my house are within walking distance hoho. Actually, I have no idea what else do I have to post about, because basically I cannot remember much from the past week except that soccer training's been kind of tough and more people are coming in which is actually good news. Alright. Gna go out and buy the stuffs needed for RH day tmr with 4H. Good luck to PRATABURGS! :D ---- It's not that I don't want it. It's not like I don't care. But I can't continue on, I don't have the courage. I'm stuck, and I don't knw what to do. &i really can't take all that is going on, I can't carry all of it while still being stuck, with no conclusions. I really don't knw what next. It's like I want to move along but I'm stuck right here. And I don't want to lose it, don't want to lose you. Yet there's not a thing I can do, to make all of us feel better... If only you knew.. So lost. 说你爱我 Thursday, July 17, 2008 我那躲也躲不掉的微妙伤口 隐隐作痛 不如趁早放手 把爱坠落 让满地鲜红 不用陪我走到最后 我承担不起你的承诺 Tired Friday, July 11, 2008 I'm so tired. So very tired. From what? I don't knw. Both physically and mentally. Really need a break now. When can things just slow down a little bit. Wait up a little bit. I'm falling behind now, and I can't catch up. Don't wna revert back to those days. I need control, need strength to continue on... Give me a break, please. Tuesday, July 8, 2008 Just a quick one before I sleep. Today was day out with Lin, Yijun and Irene. Went to town and ran like crazy women in the heavy rain. Nothing much though, just talked alot. Spent most times eating/drinking. LOL. We went into so many places to eat la. LJS, Koba, Subway, McCafe. ._. Guess I want to go for retail therapy. My brains feel like it's gna burst out of my skull soon. Damn worried that the racial harmony day proposal will be rejected because so many classes are doing the same thing. Zzz.. Judgement will be out tmr. Hope for the best then. Screw all the stuffs that are going wrong now. And screw all those that will be going wrong. ---- This is so screwed up, why is everyth trying to screw me up. It's like you people knw I will be the one taking the rap, yet you just went ahead and talked shit behind my back and gave me more work to do. It really doesn't help that I am the one who has to bear all this shit la. Give me a break, do you mind? I don't even understand this irony. Some people are there complaining why people never understand the efforts of those doing the work, yet they are the ones who also do not knw how to appreciate things others are doing for them. Everyth just, and still comes down to personal interest. And why am I even surprised? That's just how things are, and always will be. I should really stop being so bloody idealistic. I don't knw why, why of all the rubbish that people are unsatisfied with, I always have to be dragged into it. And then I am expected to come up with the solution, when the problem doesn't even lie with me in the very first place. People just don't think of the consequences when all they want is personal benefit and all that shit. Can't they just shut the fuck up for once and take what is given to them instead of yapping incessantly so they can get their way? I am so tired of this. Why must my day be ruined of all these inconsiderate people, it isn't even supposed to be something that I should worry about. And what's worse, nobody else seems to give a bloody damn to everyth and I'm totally left here to deal with all these shit alone. You mean all these are meant to be my sole responsibility? Doesn't that sound abit fucked up? I am not even asking for alot, I'm just trying to share this that doesn't only concern me anyway. Yet nobody wants to shoulder it with me, like this whole thing is supposed to be my problem only. Very nice. Nothing I do can please everybody. Somebody always has to give in. People just don't learn. If my decisions and opinions are that worthless and insignificant, why even come to me in the first place, make me think of the supposed best solution and then totally get pushed over when people start getting unhappy and all those shit? If everyth I do and say is so dispensable, then stop coming to me and making my life so miserable. Go find your best solution on your own. I'm done with all this. Term 3 Week 2 Monday, July 7, 2008 Guess it's time to update in detail about the week. Not gna do backtracking anymore, because I find that it is so uninteresting even I don't want to read it when I browse through my blog archives. Tsk. So, about the past week.. It's been kind of bad, or perhaps very bad. Feeling really worn out everyday even when I turn in earlier than usual, unable to concentrate in some lessons, not completing most homeworks.. Well, honestly.. It just felt like the way I was back in term 1. When everyday was just a mere passing, and all I wanted was to get through it. Basically, not really giving a damn about anyth. This sucks. But I don't knw what is wrong. Was told that I have to attend LA remedial from next week onwards. Was feeling really sore about it because I don't knw why in the world I am admitted into LA remedial. Any other remedial I would have just shut up and went for it like I'm supposed to. But of all subjects, LA? It's equivalent to telling me that I have to go for NAPFA retest when I scored a full marks I suppose. But what can I do, after getting such a screwed up reason, too. So, I can only shut up and go for it like I'm supposed to. Sometimes I don't knw why I bother studying. You screw up, you get into remedial. You get an A2, you get into it anyway. What's the point, yo? Yeah, and it doesn't help that I'm back in math remedial. I think I have enough attendance for permanent membership already. Okay, I'm not complaining. Ohwell apart from that.. I can't really remember much. Went out to watch movie with Sharm, Yanyi and Chiouyih on Wednesday at West Mall. Caught Wanted. The plot is quite alright, I'm not exactly a movie critic anyway, unless it totally sucks or something. The main guy in the movie wasn't good-looking (LOL!), but at least Angelina Jolie was. Haha okay, at least it's another not bad movie. On Thursday, went out with Xinyu, Chingxin, Lihui and Sylvia to get Spencer's birthday present. Had lunch at Koba and we talked alot of funny and crap stuffs lol. Then went to IMM and spent time trying to find him a wallet at first, then a sports bottle. But we couldn't find nice ones. Wound up buying him shirts (standard). But yep, I have to admit the combination's really nice. Hope he likes it then. Went out with my girlfs Lin and Yijun, plus Irene to Vivo LJS for lunch. And a little bit of catching up. Guessed we really need that since I've been feeling quite detached from everyone and that includes them. Then Lin went back to school to do homework with me, when she had abit of time for interaction with Phyllis. Two siao kias interacting equals to... Well, y'knw what. LOL. And then left school, went to JEC with Shaun. Mostly wandering around there and got a free treat of Sweettalk :D Ohwell this whole weekend's also been hectic. My purpose for being online isn't to do anyth but spam people with my CID survey because Yanyi and I need to get 100 respondents each. Well, it's all done. And special thanks: Matthias, Shaun, Jennings and especially Taylin who have given me like lots of responses. And also thanks to the rest who've helped me one way or another. The 100 is finally done and Yan's left with 13 more to go! :D And I sent an email out to 23 people yesterday requesting them to help me do the survey. Yeah, guess what. Only 3 people reverted ._. So thanks alot to Kwanling, Mabel and Soohan! The rest.. Uh, you knw what to do la. That's pretty much all to my shit week. This week seriously sucked. I guess I need to sleep more from next week on. Yeah and eat breakfast ._. Don't want to go back to how term 1 was again. Zzz.. ---- For awhile I thought that everyth had changed, just as I sat there and watched you, with your own circle of friends, own things to do. That maybe I am not that important to you, and you don't need me anymore. I knw time passes, and people change. I knw you might not mean it, but people do grow up. The fact itself is something good, because I want to see you strong and on your own too. I knw of all the wonders you can do, and what kind of person you can be. Then maybe, maybe I'm just thinking a little to far into the future. Maybe for now I can still drown myself in the love and respect you are giving me. Maybe I've just started worrying a little too soon. For someone who don't really believe in such things, you've made so much out of me, I feel like the way I did two years ago when everyth just felt right around you. I just feel that I am slowly losing grip of the people and things around me. Everyth I can afford to lose, but not this. Not you. Not any of you. It's inexplicable, I can't explain it myself, the dependence and all. And this is all true. Guess I need to keep the faith. And stop thinking so much. Update Saturday, July 5, 2008 Thought it's about time for an update. The past week's been crazy, like how term 3 had been since school reopen 2 weeks before. Couldn't really find enough time to blog a proper post, so I just decided to do it on the weekends. Okay first, shall do the quiz which Yunyi tagged me for. 1. Do you have a wide group of friends? Define wide. 2. If you're in trouble, will your friends 'fly' to help you? Probably not. But there are a few exceptions. 3. Will you sacrifice your most precious thing for your friends? Well, it depends on who it is, and what it's for. 4. Do you believe in BFF? Last one ever was in Primary 5, you think? 5. Do you think a straight and a woman can just be platonic friends? Oh hell, yes. 6. Do you have a male friend whom you can trust with almost everyth? Fortunately yes. 7. Do you think friends should tell each other everyth? That isn't necessary at all. 8. If your friends are in trouble, what will you do? It depends on who it is, and what kind of trouble it is. 9. In future,if your friends get married and ask you to be their best man, will you agree? Probably more like a bridesmaid. 10. What if your enemy calls you one day to make peace? Think for a moment if it's an April Fools' joke. 11. What will you do to a friend whom you trusted deeply, betrayed you? What is there to do? The hurt's inflicted. Blame it that I was blind and move on man. 12. If your friend snatches your girlf away, will you hate him or her completely? I might hate whoever it is, but not completely. It takes both hands to clap. 13. What if there is a girl that has liked your friend for quite some time, tells you that she needs your help to win the heart of your friend. Will you help her? If I feel that the relationship will never work out, I wouldn't waste my time on it trying to twist it around. If it is possible, then why not? 14. Do your parents think that your friends are a bad influence? No. They don't knw half of them. 15. What will you tell your parents if they asked you to transfer school, which means losing all your closest friends? If I have to go, I have to go. Close friends don't part with distance. 16. If your friend organises a once in a lifetime party, but your family doesn't allow you to go, will you sulk/throw a tantrum/sneak out/ don't go? I'll probably talk my way out of it, but if not, then I'll just stay home and plan my own party ._. 17. How will you describe your friendship with your friends? What, fine? Or maybe not. 18. Define friendship. This is a stupid question. 19. Name 20 people whom you can think of right now.Don't read the questions until you named the 20 people. At the end, choose 5 people to do this. Tsk, I must have done this a million times, so I shall not continue. As for the taggings, just do it if you want to. ---- Alright, I don't knw what I wna blog about already. Perhaps another day. So shagged now. |
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