Let me dream.

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Saturday, June 28, 2008

Finally time for an update.

Replies to tags:
Yunyi> Lols. I am not scary if no one comes along to irritate me.

Irene> OMG you are mad, girl. Relax la, private joke don't put it out here ._.

Owl Subject> LOL yep. You too. Go catch some mice, if not you'll get fat.

Yijun> Yeah right, I owe damn alot more like! Zzz.. And yeah, not screwed now anymore. Which is a good break, I'm so tired ._.

Chingxin> Hmm okay. Yeah school.. Zzz..

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School's been real hectic in this first week back. It's just been a crazy time, I couldn't find the time to update much. So shall backtrack abit on some interesting things which happened in the past week..

My mother's away in Malaysia for the week, so it's like I have to rush home everyday to prepare dinner and do the chores. You should see all the incredulous faces when I said i need to prepare dinner. LOL.

2406 - Tuesday
Okay, lessons on tuesday was quite alright, albeit abit long after break. New chem teacher's interesting, lol. So after school, didn't have to rush home that day, so I took my own sweet time. Went out with Zhijun and Sherry to have lunch at vivo's LJS. Been quite long since I last ate fastfood, lol.

Wanted to do some overdue homework with them. Yet ended up telling them the totally gruesome story of Saw 3 that still haunts me now and then. Zzz. Left the place around 5pm and went back to school in the hopes of completing some homework. Stoned at my history readings, couldn't concentrate. Left school at after CCA time.

2506 - Wednesday
Hmm, went for the farewell lunch for STEP camp '08 people. Saw Tutu there again. Didn't have any of the buffet lunch because I was still feeling too full from break.

After that, went to the hall to watch the youth day performances. Just missed Tzechong's beatboxing in action when I went in, aww.. Anyway, it was great and went back to class. Then went to Changi Airport to send the STEP people off.

I reached the place at 4.45pm, walked around Terminal 2 like some idiot, and Lin was lagging my text. Then I remembered something they are going to do at Terminal 3 so I took the skytrain there, meanwhile still looking like an idiot ._.

Finally found them, only at like close to 6pm after walking around so much, they were in T3 alright. The only reason they were taking so long was because of all the photo-taking sessions along the way. Well, typical. Everyone was stunned to see me there, so well.. Just walked around with them before returning to T2 to check in.

The teary goodbyes beat that of 2 years ago. Almost everyone there was crying to see the buddy go. Okay, except me, since I didn't spend a week with them. And I gave Tutu what I made for her (:

Collage with pictures of us, Lin and special appearance of my brother. LOL.

Teary-eyed Tutu, last goodbye.

But then I knw, this will be another one of those friendships across borders, that's gna last. Just like how it did from 2 years ago.

Went to Swensens with the STEP singapore buddies and played a real fool there. Especially Lin, but then all of us there knw what's the joke. Haha. Spent a long time there before finally set on return journey at 7.50pm. Totally fell asleep standing on the MRT and reached home at 9.25pm.
Didn't manage to do homework again. Aye.. =/

2606 - Thursday
One of the days I had to rush home from school. This time tied down with physics file corrections and stuff. But I still managed to leave school by 3.30pm and get home on time to prepare dinner. Changed seating arrangement, now my table partner is Jonny (who is like super hiong, especially in math) Thought this arrangement that I discussed with Mr Tan was pretty good, but turned out that still quite a number of people complaining.

Well. Just can't please everybody.

Had double math lessons, but it turned out fine. Nothing much for the day.

& Happy belated birthday Lihui :D

2706 - Friday
Totally woke up late today, like 6am? But didn't rush around too much, was too tired to get my gears going. So walked slowly to the bus stop and everyth, and took the really crowded 100. Zzz.. Reason why I like to go to school early: Avoid the morning rush-hour crowd. Serious unbearable.

Lessons were fine, had my LA speech today which I had only just completed final editting one lesson before LA ._. But it was alright, did relatively well. Dry humour and stuff. Totally embarrassing when I pronounced the same word wrongly twice, lol. Induced enough laughter and entertainment anyway, since I talked about hell.

So yes, after school also had to leave school by 3.30pm, but had some time to lag. Met Yangling in the hall, since she wanted to practice her 2.4km rum. That lazy girl was grumbling that she's so tired and can't carry on when we barely reached 3 rounds! And then she started walking, so then we slacked :D

Then she went on to training with the B boys and since it was still early. I went to join the soccer training. Mad I knw, but that's gna be my future CCA anyway. No point running way because it'll probably come after me. It felt like the sun could melt me if it wanted to, only 4 girls turned up for training.

Was pretty okay, perhaps abit tough but manageable. Feeling really worn out and aching everywhere, especially where I suspect I pulled a muscle, though it doesn't feel like something that serious. Then the coach let me leave at 3.30pm, 'threatening' to kick a ball at me if I don't return for training next week, lol!

But then again, it feels good to be actually having some CCA to go to again, some form of training. To belong somewhere again. Instead of forever slacking off, and it's like nobody needs you around anymore and you get forgotten as the days get by. Neither here nor there. Sickening stuff.

So got home and did the usual. Sat down to do homework and fell asleep -.- So I went to sleep and only woke up at 10pm, by a phone call, as always. Lol.

&& Happy birthday Melvin :D

Was feeling rather agitated awhile ago, when everyth seemed super screwed. But I am so glad that everyth's fine again. What with all the misunderstandings, and more trouble yet. Now everyth's okay.

More than enough emotional turmoil I'd need for a week. But I'm still living. Those imbecilic nonsense shall not get me down, vent and forget, vent and forget. I must get used to this soon, because I knw I'm stronger than this. Don't want to carry on feeling pathetic about things that can screw me up so easily.

Confused. Mixed feelings. What next?

Got to have to catch up with all the stuff I'm lagging behind in. So little time..

----

As for that, like I said. I just wanted to be alone for awhile. And things are still the same. Nothing has changed. Sorry if I've been harsh or unkind that morning, I really knw that you meant well, but I really feel so tired from so many things I can't really be bothered to masked them up anymore. I can't force myself to be like a cheerful girl like how you can be, when I really don't want to do it.

I don't need others telling me what to do because I knw what I want for myself. In case you're thinking, I am not unsure, not regretful. I knw for a sure fact that this is what I want. Being alone is what I want. And till I decide that it might not be, don't try to change my mind. Don't preach about how life has its ups and downs, I knw all of that already, don't need to be reminded, because it changes nothing but only add on to the misery.

Don't give me apologies because this has nothing to do with you, you don't owe me any, and apologies are not what I want. I expect nothing from you, because most, or rather all of the shizz happening in my life, has got nothing to do with you at all. Thanks for trying to bring me out of it but no thanks, I can do it on my own. Own time own pace, I'll come out of it when I feel like it.

You want me to be myself, want me to be frank with you. This is all the frankness you can get. I am not used to it, don't think I ever will. Perhaps it just doesn't work with people I didn't start out close with. You're a great girl, but I want to go my own way. I hope you understand, the way I think you will.

I'm sorry but I guess I am still more used to being on my own.

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Sinyee. 17.
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