Seow said I sounded like a sick of life person, well I shall post about something else then. Feel like doing some reminiscing tonight.

Just had a mini 6E dinner date on Monday. It didn't go exactly according to plan, but I did enjoy myself. We were talking about some stuffs that happened back then, and according to the majority of my friends, I used to be really mean to a classmate who loves fishing. I didn't even remember that! But I knw that I could really be a bitch back then. (Okay, even now)

Anyw, we've all grown up and some of us look different, think differently and also act differently. Some of us, though, are still the same as ever.. It's quite a good thing that after we've graduated from Xingnan for nearly 5 years, a bunch of us are still meeting up and catching up with each other. This feeling assures me.

I hope that 10, 20 years down the road, this group of friends will still remain close to me.

Many of them are doing very well now. Eileen the one who never has time to meet up with us, is our typical high-flyer capable girl. We all knw she'd go a long way didn't we ;) Jiaqiang who used to be a joker is going for job attachments at a law firm now! Qini, who didn't turn up that day, but according to her MSN PMs, she's doing well too.

Of course people like the Tony(s) are definitely doing well. Actually, everyone is. In their own ways. No matter whether they are in JC or Poly, they are all going their own way and really excelling in their own niche. Makes me wonder what I'd been doing this whole time... But never mind, will not talk about this now.

Some of us have forgotten each other. Kakiong didn't knw who's Sherry and Joselin. Sherry doesn't remember Karthi and Remy. I could still remember our class register numbers! But god knws why I do. We haven't met up regularly. Sometimes not even once in a year. Even if we do, it's always the same few who turn up. People like me, Kailin and Haixin.

Somehow, in a strange way, I miss many of them.

I remember what kind of person everyone was like back then. Some of us have really changed. I think I have really changed. I think growing up really changed my perceptions to things and people. Maybe sometimes I just stop bothering as much as I did, at all the little things. And maybe that's making my own life easier.

What's life now for all of you?
Is it endless mugging, and completing projects? Is it nights of online games and dramas? Is it overseas trips and excursions? Is it juggling of work and studies?

I do miss the times we had back then, the things we did together. Our daily games of Crocodile and Blind Mice in the alley before supplementary lessons. Do you guys still remember Miss Chew makes groups of us to go up and read a chapter of our Chinese textbook aloud everyday? I still remember how sometimes when no one goes up, Shikai and the guys will start chanting "Lang3 ah... Lang3 ah.." And it's really funny.

Do you remember all the funny scandals? How he likes her and she has a crush on him. It all seems so far away and quite childish to think about now. Someone brought up at the gathering that the girls, including me, loves to carry books for our teachers. Haha, it's really funny now I think about it. For me, why I did it back then was obviously to gain favour and act like a teacher's pet. Not sure about the rest of my friends though.

But for now, see if I bother seeing my teacher struggle with his/her laptop and textbooks and papers. I think I'd just nudge my friend and tease him/her together. Actually, maybe I am still very immature. All the "I don't friend you liao!" and the "My mum say don't be her friend!" is really laughable to think about now.

I remember the conflicts too. All the unhappiness and troubles between friends, and cliques. Over teachers' day dances and stuffs like that. We are so immature, but it is something for us to look back and laugh at and reminisce. I think it'd be really boring if we all did what we would do now and we look back to see no significant difference to talk about.

I guess 6E was considered a diligent and hardworking class. We did homework and handed them up on time. We completed the exercises in our Chinese zhi shi hua bao and prepared them for supplementary lessons. I don't remember anyone ever skipping any of those lessons. We came back during the holidays in our last year to type up our zuo wen to enter into the Chinese newsletter. The bulk of essays sbmitted were from our class.

I remember how most of us always got at least 37 out of 40 for our Chinese essays. Look at what shit marks I am getting now.

I seriously remember our P6 years, we had an inter-class skitter ball competition. Our class sent in 2 teams and I was in one of them. Toward the end, one of our team was disqualified and Haixin came over to join our team. We were disqualified when the teachers found out. And I remember Zhilin pushing Haixin to the ground with such force and I hated him for that. Wow what a bastard. Haha, funny to even think of now.

I remember the Mooncake festival where we were in charge of the booth for riddles. And we played hide-and-seek in the dark. How I enjoyed myself that night. And even though I returned in subsequent years to attend the event, it just doesn't feel the same anymore.

All of the times we had in 6 years. Good and bad times. I really miss those times. And the people. Haha. Meet up soon my friends. And may we go on and on for a very long time to come.


Unlocked;
1:18 AM



Hello there, whoever's still there.

I am feeling kind of tired now. Not physically, but mentally. I feel jaded and worn out from everyth. Like work, the studying thing in school and the whole retain issue. I guess I am still trying to deal with everyth. But one thing for sure, I am not ready to pick up my books and start studying just yet.

I am getting sick of everyth.
Sick of always getting pushed around at work, and no one really treating me seriously, just because I am a temporary staff. Sick of trying to get pass myself in things like studying and attending trainings. (I lost the fire again, why?) Sick of life in general. And I thought my life was going rather well. Maybe I am getting delusional.

It's like awhile ago I was still attending trainings quite conscientiously and enjoying myself too. But I really don't knw why now I feel the way I do weeks ago. Just sick of it all. Maybe I should just drop out already and stop making the lives of my leaders so hard.

I don't knw. Went for the studying thing in school today, only half the session. Because I felt like I am being scrutinized under a microscope by the teachers present in the freaking cold LT3. It was about 3 degree Celsius. How do I study productively like this? I feel like an animal in the zoo on exhibition. One that is too cold but stripped of fur too. I am better off alone.

So I left during lunch break, went back to school but studied alone in P7. It was much more effective and I managed to cover more things in a shorter time. So I am not going back tmr, I will just study outside school myself, and I hope I do. Moreover the whole test thing turns me off. I can't master Integration till I can even comprehend Differentiation. This studying scheme is totally not suitable for me.

Work was real tough today because there was only me and one of my supervisors around. Almost died at the end of the day. You think it's an easy job, but wait till you do it yourself then you understand how sian it is to the extent that it tires me out.

That's all, I'm going to sleep.
Fucking miserable. I wonder why can't some people just give me a tad of understanding. I am really getting quite tired.


Unlocked;
1:44 AM



I hate work on Saturdays, because it doesn't end till 11pm. I really really hate difficult customers.

Wasn't feeling very well during work today, and I was dying to go home, when it was only about 9pm. Normally I could knock off in an hour, but today it was double the agony. I thought that 11pm would never come, seriously.

Anyw, talking about difficult customers. There's this woman today with three kids who came to look for slippers. They are freaking Chinese speaking, but I suspect they think I am a Malay, so the mother proceeded to talking in English with some strange accent. I showed her where the slippers were placed, she said its not the kind she wanted.

I knw that at PM Giant, if the things are not there, it means that there isn't any other things. We seldom keep stock. In other words: DON'T HAVE MEANS DON'T HAVE. When I pointed this out to her, she insisted I check for her. "The one inside the catalog one! We want to buy 4 pairs!" And her kids started to snigger, for what I don't knw.

And after a big big hoo-ha I made her show me the catalog. There's a freaking sign '^' there which means NOT AVAILABLE AT PM. Fucking hell read properly la woman. She pissed my supervisor off lol.

Anyw damn tired. One more day till off day. Quick come please. I CMI alr.


Unlocked;
1:44 AM



Goodness, I feel so tired now.

While clearing out my email just now, I realised that it was filled with PW PW and more PW. I am not someone who keeps irrelevant emails, and I clear out my inbox everyday. PW flooding! But I deleted everyth PW related just now. Whoo it has ended for real.

Went to Astons today with Liow :D The food was great, as usual, just that they ran out of mashed potatoes which I would like to have ):

Work was alright today. But it just added on to my fatigue.

I am afraid, and uncertain. I am worried that after one year, everyth's still going to be the same. And nothing is going to come out of it. No matter how hard I tried. I really am afraid. But I guess, I'll leave this to when I really tried but still fail. Because I haven't really tried at all.

Hell. Wish I could be motivated and sustain it.

Really bloody tired. Off to sleep now.


Unlocked;
1:21 AM



It's been awhile since I last updated. Now, I have more time because

PW. IS. OVER!

Damn relieved that this burden has finally been lifted from my life, and it ended off well I might add. So, that's the end of my PW nightmare. Can finally stop feeling so drained.

5N chalet's tmr, but I can't go because I have work ): I want to try to go? For a few hours and for some food haha. If not life's going to be so empty and boring.

Actually I don't really have anyth I want to blog about in particular. Just working my ass off these days so that I'll have money for shopping and good food :D Off days for work yesterday and today didn't prove to be much help to my mental health.

Didn't even get to sleep enough. Almost fell asleep eating my Sakae buffet today lol?! Alright, I will sleep soon, after I find my cardboard.

Haix. I think I might be possibly mad, but I am really looking forward to 2010. New beginnings, you knw the feeling? Clean slates, new records. All over again, for me to do it right this time. Heard that retainees will not be able to take up H3 subjects at the end of next year though. Feel sian, and no I am not being too ambitious.

I'll leave it to my mind on a more clear-headed day.

Goodbye.


Unlocked;
11:14 PM



I survived this crazily hectic week!

This whole week had been filled with PW sessions and work every single day. When I arrived in school today for PW, I was feeling quite stony because I was so tired despite having slept earlier last night. Luckily, I returned to my normal mode after 2 presentations by the other groups.

OP's really taking good shape now. We might just have to rehearse it more often to perfect it. Love our presentation! Received positive comments today except that I tend to be cold and distant (i.e. look fierce with no smile) Haha what you want, that's just my face. And I don't knw how to smile appropriately since I am talking about a worrying trend...

After OP, going to have a smashing celebration at Sakae buffet with 5N. And we all deserve it after slogging for so long. Can't deny that all our presentations are good man. Looking forward! :D

Work today was lots more enjoyable. Most of the time before facing was spent reordering of goods with CK. I don't knw why, I think they are damn funny and strange. It's like they reorder goods almost everyday? Today you spend your time here arranging the stocks in then tmr they take it down and bring it to another place. So confusing and waste resources, like the cable tie! And I feel awkward because CK and I don't talk ._. And I hate to ask him what do I do now lol.

Another person thought that I'm a Malay today. Zzz. I should do what Seow says, wear a necklace that has the word "Chinese" as the pendant. Making more friends now? I don't knw what to do to make myself like, part of them and be included in their conversations. Like I can only laugh or smile by myself at the side when they are chatting. Haix...

I keep mixing up conversation and conservation. Obsessed with PW. Like in my Q&A today I wanted to say conversation but ended up stumbling over the word about three million times, and STILL said conservation after that zzz.

No one seems particularly interested in speaking with me, except for the nice China woman, the blue shirt uncle and the vampire guy? I am disliking my supervisors more ): I think they dislike me too ): Feel like they think I'm very slow or lousy? But she doesn't say it to my face. She tells CK when I'm like standing right there with him, being busy with other things. But it always feels like she has another meaning behind her words. But anyw, I just do what they tell me to, and if I didn't do it correctly, it's not really my fault since no one ever bothered to teach me anyth at all.

I shall do facing faster now and always help the China woman fold clothes in the last hour so that it won't be a mess that my mum has to fold the next morning, and plus stop my supervisor complaining about me! But anyw, even though sometimes I really feel awkward and out of place, I still enjoy my job and the time does pass by faster when I'm busy doing things. Of course, the plus point is that on top of all this, I get money! Have earned about 150 so far for 6 days :D

Off day tmr, finally :D After working straight for 6 days, with PW too. No PW, no floorball, no work tmr. Yaye! Rest time finally.


Unlocked;
12:57 AM



Goodness, madly tired these days. Have been working for 5 days straight, but I almost couldn't take it today. My eyes were literally closing out while I was doing facing of the goods. Zzz. Aching everywhere and my head was drumming, making me feel really uncomfortable.

Work today was sian too, nothing to look forward to after work. No Seow, no Liow, both off day, left me the pathetic soul slogging at GMS. Zzz. GMS very unhappening today too, another customer mistook me for a Malay, bt I think I should just be used to it. No hide-and-seek today either, because CK wasn't there, haha. So overall: DAMN SIAN DAY.

Today, my father went to speak with the school regarding the retain-advance issue. Thought he was in a bad mood since he practically yelled at me to wake up, and was in such a hurry (I don't knw what is the hurry) that I didn't have time to iron my uniform and it was still partially wet because I only hung it up to dry after work last night. Throughout the meeting I was trying to cover up my blouse with my bag lol.

Anyhow, love my father's attitude man. When he heard about the school's idea of advancing me, he totally said "Do you think that's correct?" LOL. But we spoke to Mdm Soh instead, so it was generally quite peaceful. I will be retained as I wish, but she's kind of persuading me to take up H1 math and H2 CSE just because I said I wanted to take Business courses when I enter university.

God, I just want to change History to CSE, that's all. I will cope with H2 math, don't worry man. After today's talk with Mdm Soh and my father, I realised that I have really lost myself throughout the years in the school. Maybe in this one year where I'll aim to catch up and do better than others, I can find myself.

I hate the way they think I just cannot do well in math and thus trying to convince me that H1 math is the best way to go. It is true that I have never done well in my math but after all this, if I still could believe that I can make it if I really tried, why stop me? Even telling me the speculations that I might only get a maximum grade of C for math in A levels is not going to deter me.

I need to prove my worth. You knw, I'll be better than this.


Unlocked;
12:15 AM